November 27, 2008

Teens are more thankful for relationships

Yeah, I know -- those with teenage children, or who simply remember how they treated their parents as teenagers, are howling right now. But, Freud and The Breakfast Club notwithstanding, most of the important interactions that adolescents have are with other adolescents, plus whatever adults they run into during their daily or weekly routine outside the home.

The reason is simple: when you're in high school and college, you haven't yet joined civilization, and therefore don't enjoy its benefits, such as relative independence. In the devil-take-the-hindmost jungle of adolescence, you need all the social support you can get. Because they are more crucial to your survival then, you value your friends and romantic partners more than when you can make it OK on your own. *

I'm happy to be pretty free of those constraints now, but when looking for someone with girlfriend potential, you want to make sure that they are still socially fragile and anxious. Otherwise, they won't be very grateful for you being there. What could be worse than an unappreciative girlfriend -- except an ingrate whose face is becoming wrinkled, puffy, and dull? Just like former bankers now standing shame-faced in line for an unemployment check, aging women are the least thankful for the attention they get because they know it's unearned -- it only comes from a group that gives indiscriminantly, even to the lowest of the low. (In their case, mostly young horny losers who think she'll be an easy lay, and men her own age who are too washed-up to snag a younger woman.)

Treasuring her infatuation, boyfriend, or husband can somewhat make up for sub-perfect looks, although it will backfire if she's unattractive. The girl on the left is about a 7.5 compared to other girls at the teen dance club, though that probably makes her a 9.5 in the pool of women of all ages. While not gorgeous, she has a grateful, giving personality that is pretty enchanting.

I first met her in June when she and 5 or 6 of her friends encircled me, with her in front. Obviously, she wanted to dance but was anxious to walk over by herself, so she brought her friends for comfort. Most girls don't hug me as often and as long as she did once we weren't dancing. She was one groupie who was hard to forget.

About two months ago, she returned to the club and after a moment or two, I recognized her, went up to her with a smile and took her hand to dance. She interrupted me to ask, "Wait, do you remember me???!?!?!" Yeah, you're that girl from awhile ago -- you and like 5 of your friends surrounded me. "Omigod, you dooo!!!!" Again, I've never seen so much hugging.

I had both her and her friend (not the other one in the picture), one on each leg, when a group of 18 year-old guys came up to try to pick her off. I didn't want to appear jealous, so I looked at her like, "hey, go for it." But she wasn't interested, and they wouldn't leave her alone. I don't remember exactly what I said, but I mentioned something about being there to protect her. "Awwwww!!!!" and another arm-wrapping-around-my-back, head-nestling-into-my-chest move.

Last weekend I saw her again, and approached her saying, "Hey, Daniela! [not her real name] How've you been?" "Omigod, you remember my naaaaame??!?!?!!!!!" Another big hug, head on my chest, and you get the idea. After chatting for a bit, her cockblocking friend (the one in the picture, with closed body language) stole her away, but every step she resisted and clung to me, like a kid being dragged into the dentist's office. She held onto my palm with her delicate little hand the entire way. When her friend tried to rush her past me later on, she slowed down, smiled wide, and waved like you see in the picture.

Like I said, I've had cuter girls approach me, but few have been so cherishing of the effort I make to give them a fun experience. Not having to worry about the girl busting your balls -- huge advantage. While really feisty girls are good for one-night stands, having a higher sex drive, when it comes to selecting my girlfriend, I want to know we're not going to be butting heads all the time.

When a guy invests in only one girl, it's a huge loss for him -- he could be investing those resources to better himself, or investing them in a variety of girls. Find a young girl, and your sacrifice will be rewarded with feminine gratitude rather than spoiled indifference.

* Here is a graph from GSS data. Each point represents an age group spanning 4 years, and the "age" is simply the middle of the span. Only females were considered.

Females feel closest to their closest friend when they're youngest -- "hailey is like totally my bff!!!!" -- although by 35 they've recovered somewhat, only to drift apart afterward. This survey was given before cell phones, so I'd guess that nearly 100% of women from 18 to 35 now talk to their closest friend almost daily. Too bad the GSS doesn't interview below-18 people. I'm sure you'd see the lines continue upward as you go from 19.5 to 15.5 years old.

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