November 14, 2008

Bond girls haven't gotten older or younger

A news article I read about the new James Bond movie, Quantum of Solace, mentioned the age of the lead actress as 29. The character is supposed to be a modern Power Bitch, who Bond doesn't even get to fuck. So naturally I thought her age was part of the switch -- surely during the sexual revolution, they had sex kittens star as Bond girls, and only when they make them feminist role models do they choose older actresses. Right? After all, that is the pattern for beauty pageant winners and Playboy Playmates.

Here is the graph of the average age of the Bond girls in each year that a movie came out *:

The movie with the youngest girls is Live and Let Die, while the oldest women star in Octopussy. Not having seen most of these movies, I was quite surprised not only that there's no clear trend or cycle, but that the average is so high -- across all movies, the average Bond girl is 28. Pussy Galore was played by a 39 year-old Honor Blackman -- that's gross. All Bond girls should have fertile rather than barren bellies.

And here is a frequency distribution of the Bond girls' ages:

The distribution is not significantly skewed, and about half of the females are above and half below the average. It does seem somewhat bimodal, with one peak at 23 and another at 32 -- perhaps one sub-group appealing to the younger male audience, and the other sub-group appealing to the older male audience.

I don't want to hear any of this, "Well, she should be closer to his age" nonsense. Like any of the rest of the plot is very realistic. Plus it's not like they're getting married -- it's always a fling. Jesus, he's an international spy with a license to kill. If Bill Clinton gets a wide-eyed early-20s girl -- cow though she was -- then certainly James Bond gets one too. Send the older ones back to headquarters to loosen up that frigid boss M.

* Some of the actresses who played minor roles weren't famous enough for people to look up their birthdate, but each year has at least two and usually three or more ages going into the average.


  1. While most action-adventure movies appeal primarily to adolescent and early-20's males, I've long had the suspicion that Bond audiences skew somewhat older. Bond's sophistication, the lack of any explicit sex or nudity, and the nature of many of the action scenes is why I think this way. I don't know if there are any available statistics that might confirm that suspicion. If it indeed is true, it might explain why Bond girls are older than one might expect.

  2. Pussy Galore wasn't really a "Bond Girl" in the classic sense. She was a tough lesbian baddie who was "turned" (in both senses) by Bond. She wasn't supposed to be a sex kitten. So you can probably throw her out.


  3. Bond seduces a 22 year old English redhead in the movie. Gemma Arterton.

  4. Society is in desperate need to implement the Females as Property Movement (tm).

    There are many aspects to the Movement, too many to delve into here, but, for the good of society, the USA and for female and male happiness in general we must allow the dainty gals the opportunity to disengage from the male aspect of adult society and pursue their natural talents and abilities within the "female sphere" of life.

    Yes... some females possess talents and abilities that allow them full access to adult society and should be allowed to do so.

    However, the evidence is strong, that a large percentage of females lack the needed abilities to function in the male aspect of adult society and are happier when relegated to areas where their abilities are best suited.

    A great disservice has been committed against femaleness and femininity by parts of society and culture convincing so many females that they are capable of being male-like and that happiness is to be found in defying the natural order of a two-gendered species.

  5. So, Clinton:

    based on your other posts (and references), I'd say Clinton is a boobman. So the whole "cow" thing about Monica Lewinsky is more likely, just because ^(boob) ~ ^(fat everywhere) for most people.

    This correlates with the pretty face --> more boob theory you have.
    *See your post on "....larger posteriors...manlier faces..."


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