July 8, 2008

Demotivator poster

These things are probably out of fashion, and not so long gone that bringing them back is ironic and hip. So, at risk to my unimpeachable coolness credentials, I made one (you can make yours here):

I know it's mean to pick on someone who isn't an annoying attention-whore like Sarah Jessica Parker or Tyra Banks, but it's not like Kelly Kapowski reads this blog. You can try to banish the truth to your mind's dusty cellar by chanting, "But she's still hot, but she's still hot, but she's still hot..."

Yet the pesky truth finds some way to jimmy the door open and remind you that her looks are at best one-half as above-average as before, her girly charms even less so. And she's marginally more intelligent, urbane, and witty than she used to be -- like you care.

It's true that some women manage to remain semi-attractive and to age gracefully, but these are almost too rare to bother searching for. It's far simpler to take a young girl, who will be quite attractive due to youth alone, and for whom aging gracefully is a problem she won't have to worry about for nearly 10 years. Marry and start a family with her well before that deadline, and she'll be too occupied by motherly duties to embarrass herself socially as a still-sorta-got-it cougar.

Women love to gloat about the civilizing role they play in men's lives, which would otherwise resemble Lord of the Flies. There's some truth in that, although our intervention is just as necessary for them to avoid ruin from their own silly goals and obsessions.


  1. At least her hair is much nicer now. That poofy hair style makes me flaccid.

  2. I always thought Jesse was prettier.

  3. I always thought Jesse was prettier.

    The one who looks like a man?

    That poofy hair style makes me flaccid.

    I tend to agree on sleeker hair, but I wonder if we aren't fooling ourselves here -- we, and everyone else, certainly didn't care in 1991. Fashions change, and now we think sleek hair is what's nice.

  4. Mannish? I think it was just the way she carried herself as less frilly and fru-fru on the show. In any case, her face was flawless and she had the stature of a model.

    I think she definitely aged better to:
    Elizabeth Berkley now

  5. Yeah, she has a horseface, definitely less cute than Tiffany Amber Thiessen's. She may have been taller, but remember that guys don't care about that -- it's only something that girls pay attention to (for instance, the average porn star is of average height).

    She was less frilly, but she was a strident radical feminist. The opposite of alluring.

    I guess she's aged better, but she still has a man-face.


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