August 24, 2008

How to invade a college campus for girls

Over the next week or so, the fall semester begins across the country. If you like college girls, here are a few tips for integrating yourself into their world, enough to be able to interact with them over the long term. Some will slut it up in college, but most girls this age are still too unconsciously aware of their high fertility value to really whore themselves around like women over 25 who go to clubs and bars. So, they need to get to know you better than older women do, and that means you have to be part of their world. It's not quite as strict as with high school girls, though, since they're a bit less inhibited. This is drawn from my experience during the first year of graduate school, although it can be adapted to non-students too.

1) Eat at the campus dining hall, main cafeteria, or whatever it is. It's a pre-evening version of the bar or nightclub -- everyone is there, and their hormones are raging as they scope out the crowd of their peers, but it's not so high-pressure that you can't sit down and run Day Game on them. If you're not a student, you can still usually buy a meal plan, and cafeterias and student unions tend to be cash or credit only anyways. You may not be able to make lunch if you're busy, but that's true for them too. Once classes and work are done, everyone can make dinner, and unless you work very long hours, you can too.

As an aside, this is probably one aspect of your youth that you miss the most: social eating. Even for hardcore introverts, there's something incredibly stimulating about being surrounded by a bustling crowd while you're eating with friends. And unlike restaurants with outdoor patios, in the dining hall it's understood that you're part of the same community and can sit down and talk to strangers without having to disarm them first. You'll find that your unpleasant memories of social eating, like feeling too on-display and self-conscious, pose no danger this time around because your level of anxiety declines pretty steadily from adolescence onward.

2) Enlist allies early on, especially if you look like you don't belong there. Aim for girls only -- college guys are not worth it -- and try for the prettier ones. Really, though, the first priority is getting a group of friends to make you blend in. Lots less pressure here, since you're not trying to game them, and college girls are very open to making new friends.

3) START EARLY ON, like the first day of school. This is probably the most important thing. The freshman girls are a complete nervous wreck and will make friends with anyone as long as it eases their worries about the transition to college social life. As for girls you are interested in, their minds will be open and hungry from the summertime starvation; they want an exciting start to the new year -- "Omigod, I can't believe it's like already the first day of school!!!!!" -- though they will go through a several-week period of window shopping.

Also, during this time you can play the role of "the new boy" -- if you read enough about who girls crush on, "the new boy" always has an advantage. By the time Thanksgiving break arrives, and certainly by Winter vacation, they'll have become pretty habituated to you. Plus once the cold and dark weather sets in, girls will stay in their rooms more, and just be in a less libidinous mood. (Remember to send your daughters to study abroad in Helsinki, not Rome.)

4) Trying to sleep around in a smallish community won't work, as you'll get a bad reputation. Having the rep of someone who sleeps around in the abstract can help -- it proves you're not a loser -- but when girls can put a face on the girls you no longer talk to after sleeping with them, they will stay away. That's why PUAs can only thrive in large, anonymous urban areas. Date around and have fun, but you can really only pick one to get serious with. Look for variety elsewhere, 25+ women at clubs or bars being the obvious choice.

5) Don't get too far into their world. You don't have to take classes or hang out at the library like college students do. If you're not a student, part of your appeal will be that you're from some exotic other world but are gracing the dining hall with your presence. Surprisingly little of their conversation focuses on such things anyway, so you won't be out of the loop. (They mostly talk about their relationships with other people.) The time demands, therefore, are pretty low -- just eating at the dining hall, and the activities that are part of your normal social life (hanging out with friends, going to a club, etc.).

6) Don't mention your age. As Roissy suggested, make them guess, say "close, and you're... 21?" to distract them from their own question, and change the subject. If you're interested in her, before changing the subject, add in "Ah, that's too bad" -- "why????" -- "Because I usually date older women. They don't play games as much, in my experience." They'll like you for who you are, or shy away from you for who you are -- blurting out your age can only hinder a potential friendship or relationship. And for christ's sake, don't say things like, "When I was in college..." or "When I was 20..."

7) If you're 25 or younger, you can dress like a well-dressed college student would, so that you stand out without standing out. If you're over 25, dressing like a college student will age you considerably, unless you look very young for your age. I advise against what may be the first instinct for looking nice yet mature, i.e. the professional look. This will also make you stand out age-wise, and not in an impressive way -- you look like you're part of the rat race. There are basically two options, then: A) dress like a starving artist or intriguing bum, if the girls you're going for are into that, or B) dress dapper.

Dressing up connotes power and the exotic, and will get their attention before you even approach them. Don't worry, they're not gold-diggers -- they just enjoy the thrill of being around a guy who "looks like James Bond," as they tend to put it. Also, the affected bohemian look is pretty hard to get right -- usually the person ends up looking like a real bum.

8) You will probably have to become somewhat fluent in popular youth culture, but not so much -- you can always play the "I'm too cool to listen to the radio or watch TV" angle. Definitely do not use pop culture references specific to your age range, unless they bring them up first. For example, no college students these days will catch even the most obvious Simpsons reference, let alone anything before the '90s. A simple way to find out what music is OK is to go to nightclubs aimed at college students, listen to the music, and Google the lyrics later. You'd be surprised how good mainstream rap music has been for the past several years, unlike the gangsta era that you may be more familiar with.

9) Frat parties... I haven't been to one here yet, and don't plan to. From the crowds I see there (and I live somewhat near frat row), and who I hear gabbing about them, it looks like high-quality girls tend not to go there anyway. Essentially, the future bar-sluts and their unfortunate friends who get dragged along and don't want to be there or socialize with anyone. At any rate, from what I recall of college, the environment is too unfavorable, aside from the presence of alcohol, and there will be too much humanoid trash to wade through. (A house party is different, of course.) You probably won't meet many new people, there's no potential for intimacy, and the girls are getting hit on too much, which distorts their sense of self-value. Frat parties only happen on the weekend, and you'd do better to meet people during the week and schedule dates or something similar for the weekend.

10) If you don't already have one, you will need to get a Facebook and keep it simple.

11) Attend on-campus arts performances. It gives you something to talk about that makes it feel like you're part of their world, while still being somewhat exciting -- rather than complaining about the homework in the class you share, a typical mistake of younger guys. It provides date opportunities, or bonding events to cement a friendship. If you do the research and organize it for the group, you demonstrate your leadership skills. It may seem miniscule, but if you establish a pattern, they'll think of you as the organizer. Last, they are very cheap, and the performers are usually pretty talented.

I could probably go on, but this feels like enough. Take-home messages: be a part of the central social scene (dining hall, arts performances, house parties or nightclub excursions), remain vague about your age, get female allies first, START EARLY, and resist the urge to sleep around on campus.


  1. You may as well title this: How to become "that" guy....

    I'm an actual "old" guy who went back to school. I'm 26 now, and a full time student at a state school. College chicks HATE old guys, they are "losers" and they are "sketchy"....and what you wrote is the reason. Now I have very old fashioned values (ie actually looking for a serious relationship/marriage and all that) andI'd love to be able to form a relationship with someone in the same community (ie school) but can't because I'm automatically labeled as "that" guy. Thanks buddy.

    And to any pervs out there, keep dreaming.


  2. Correction: college chicks hate old LOSER guys, like you. You have no one to thank for that but yourself, so be a man and take personal responsibility for scaring girls away.

    I assume the guy who's using this information is not, the same way that I'd assume the reader was really smart if I made a list of things to do when applying to grad school.

    You'll notice I didn't say anything about how to treat them, only how to integrate yourself into the college social life. Therefore, if they perceive you as sketchy and a loser, that must be what you bring with you.

    And stop masturbating about your old-fashioned values -- I specifically warned against sleeping around, and that one-night stands are less likely with college girls, so that a serious relationship is the only reliable route to sex.

  3. Good advice. What do you recommend to guys around the same age as you agnostic and are starting college in their mid-to-late 20s? Would you keep the same advice as above or tweak any of it?

  4. I wrote it from my experience, so it should work best for mid to late 20s.

  5. OK, so what do you recommend for a 53-year-old? Drowning one's ambitions in drink seems like the right call to me.

  6. I'm starting law school at 30, so most people in my class are in the 22-25 age range. It's a little different because even the youngest are college graduates and there is no getting out of that age group if you want to be social. We take classes together, eat together, live together, etc.

    I look about 22. This isn't necessarily good, but it is true. So I just dress like a just out of college kid. It works. People that I tell my age are shocked. I don't advertise it though. Many hot young bitches here seem interested, and I'm not going to lie about my age, but I'm just trying not to worry about it at all. If they ask, I'll tell them. But I'm just going for friends and networks now. Don't want to shit where I eat, unless she's a knockout.

  7. Some thoughts:
    To avoid being 'that guy,' you'd probably have to hook her before she started thinking about your age and such. Then she would rationalize it, rather than use it against you.

    Keep in mind, there are going to be lots of girls who will shut you down instantly. Hot sorority girls are some of the most snobbish people on the planet - if you can imagine her saying "I don't even know you!" she's out.

    Women, and girls especially, are very vulnerable to groupthink. They are quick to adopt local conventions and to avoiding sticking out in anyway. Dating an older dude in college is a big no-no. Any girl who might will be repeatedly warned by her friends - fuck, even seniors get dirty looks/cockblocked by friends for going for freshmen.

    And most girls would think it is extremely sketchy, unless you had some reason to be there. "Uh, I work in Beverly Hills but come to UCLA for lunch?" Fail.

    I'm a junior in college now and I can think of a couple examples of this actually happening: Grad student with undergrad, and scenester in college dating a scenester out of college (eg, theatre, music, etc).

    BTW, the hottest girls are at frat parties. All the house parties I've been to were either like mini-frat parties, or extremely lacking in cool guys and hot girls. and most guys at frat parties are too pussy to go ask a girl to dance, at least at the beginning of the night.

  8. Any advice for people with the opposite problem?

    I'm a 17-year-old girl in a bunch of grad-level math classes. I'm new to the campus and desperately trying to invade the creepy-older-grad-student scene. How can I bond with older men? It sounds kind of pathetic since half the time I'm the only girl in my classes, but nobody seems to want to talk to me once they find out I'm an undergrad from another school.

    Thanks =)


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