But pretty soon this will all be automatic and I'll need to pefect the steps of the "Comfort-building" phase, which is apparently the most difficult phase, the third being "Seduction" where the only goal is "don't make a last-minute fuck up of what you've already set up well." Here's a list from Magic Bullets of what you are doing in Comfort:
- Build an emotional connection and get to know each other.
- Tone down any dismissive attitude from previous phases.
- Solidify and sustain attraction and qualification levels.
- Increase physical intimacy (touching) with appropriate pacing: neither too fast or too slow.
- Get her phone number and go on dates if appropriate.
- Manage the whole process so that she feels genuinely comfortable being in a sexual situation with you.
Right now I'm mostly planning ahead so I won't have to improvise, and I've been practicing with female "flirt friends" (we flirt and could see ourselves dating, but are not pursuing each other). In the Mystery DVD, he explains why preparing food for a girl is such an effective comfort-building method: she is hard-wired to seek out men who can provide for her, it shows talent and skill (anything above being a fumble-fingers in the kitchen will win points), and feeding it to her increases the sense of intimacy. As a less extraverted person, I can only force myself to be so talkative, so it's great to have a legitimate reason to not be very chatty, like preparing food.
Having the theory down, let's get to some concrete things you can do. I don't read pickup artist forums, so some of this may already be common knowledge. I expect that some or most of what this series discusses will be new, though.
First, make your own meals, don't go to restaurants. In restaurants, at worst, you signal that you only have money to offer and that you expect something in return, and at best you can signal high-status by establishing a good relationship with the owner beforehand, who can then say impressive things about you in front of your date.
Making your own meals avoids the pitfalls of restaurants -- even if you're spending a lot of money, it's at a grocery store or butcher or wherever you would normally get your food supply, so it never looks unusual and flashy, and she won't think that you expect anything from her if you eat during the afternoon or early evening. Moreover, since you'll see the manager at the grocery store or the butcher much more frequently than a restaurant owner, you can more easily establish a good relationship that will lead him to talk you up if you bring your date along. Also, restaurateurs are in a much more financially insecure business than upscale grocery stores, so they are more likely to have a car salesman vibe to them, whereas praise from the grocer sounds less forced.
To put numbers on the difference, it's socially acceptable to pop into a food store and only spend $10 or a bit less -- so $100 buys you 10 trips or more, which is plenty to become "familiar" there if you make the rounds talking to people. At a nice restaurant, $100 gets you maybe 3 trips, and since it's difficult to socialize with the owner or workers (who are paid to kiss your ass, making their words untrustworthy), you'll go unnoticed.
Next, buy most of the ingredients ahead of time -- she'll interpret a well-stocked fridge much more favorably than an expensive sports car. It makes the occasion look normal to you, although she will of course find it special, not being used to eating such things. You won't look like you're going out of your way to impress her, in other words, which would broadcast eagerness.
However, make sure to leave a few things for the last minute: that way, you can make a trip together to the grocer's to pick them up (fresh bread is a no-brainer here). This gives you some banter time in the car / on foot, lets you look at home picking out expensive food, and perhaps allow you to run into the manager or owner for a pat on the back. It's a mini-date before the real date, and the Mystery Method is pretty keen on "multiple-venue dates" so that you two go through a wider range of experiences and emotions within the same amount of time as going out to a movie.
If she isn't comfortable coming over to your house just yet, invite her on a less threatening shopping date where you tell her you're going to pick up some things at the supermarket, and why doesn't she tag along to help? Girls love fantasizing about expensive food that's spread before their eyes, even more than trying on shoes. And since she's not going there for herself, for once she can browse Dean & DeLuca without that annoying voice telling her, "You know you can't afford that. You should put that back if you want this. Are you trying to turn yourself into a blimp?" Just don't veer far away from what you'd normally buy -- just like you wouldn't let her dress you head to toe.
Next episode: bouncing from the grocer's to the importer's.