March 20, 2008

Food game, episode 1

I'm pretty new to Game, having only watched a ripped DVD of Mystery's on YouTube and read the e-book Magic Bullets, largely based on the Mystery Method. I'm still practicing the "Attraction" phase steps the most, since that's what newcomers evidently need the most work on. Still, it's pretty easy stuff; you just have to log a lot of practice hours to get it down (especially storytelling details).

But pretty soon this will all be automatic and I'll need to pefect the steps of the "Comfort-building" phase, which is apparently the most difficult phase, the third being "Seduction" where the only goal is "don't make a last-minute fuck up of what you've already set up well." Here's a list from Magic Bullets of what you are doing in Comfort:

- Build an emotional connection and get to know each other.

- Tone down any dismissive attitude from previous phases.

- Solidify and sustain attraction and qualification levels.

- Increase physical intimacy (touching) with appropriate pacing: neither too fast or too slow.

- Get her phone number and go on dates if appropriate.

- Manage the whole process so that she feels genuinely comfortable being in a sexual situation with you.

Right now I'm mostly planning ahead so I won't have to improvise, and I've been practicing with female "flirt friends" (we flirt and could see ourselves dating, but are not pursuing each other). In the Mystery DVD, he explains why preparing food for a girl is such an effective comfort-building method: she is hard-wired to seek out men who can provide for her, it shows talent and skill (anything above being a fumble-fingers in the kitchen will win points), and feeding it to her increases the sense of intimacy. As a less extraverted person, I can only force myself to be so talkative, so it's great to have a legitimate reason to not be very chatty, like preparing food.

Having the theory down, let's get to some concrete things you can do. I don't read pickup artist forums, so some of this may already be common knowledge. I expect that some or most of what this series discusses will be new, though.

First, make your own meals, don't go to restaurants. In restaurants, at worst, you signal that you only have money to offer and that you expect something in return, and at best you can signal high-status by establishing a good relationship with the owner beforehand, who can then say impressive things about you in front of your date.

Making your own meals avoids the pitfalls of restaurants -- even if you're spending a lot of money, it's at a grocery store or butcher or wherever you would normally get your food supply, so it never looks unusual and flashy, and she won't think that you expect anything from her if you eat during the afternoon or early evening. Moreover, since you'll see the manager at the grocery store or the butcher much more frequently than a restaurant owner, you can more easily establish a good relationship that will lead him to talk you up if you bring your date along. Also, restaurateurs are in a much more financially insecure business than upscale grocery stores, so they are more likely to have a car salesman vibe to them, whereas praise from the grocer sounds less forced.

To put numbers on the difference, it's socially acceptable to pop into a food store and only spend $10 or a bit less -- so $100 buys you 10 trips or more, which is plenty to become "familiar" there if you make the rounds talking to people. At a nice restaurant, $100 gets you maybe 3 trips, and since it's difficult to socialize with the owner or workers (who are paid to kiss your ass, making their words untrustworthy), you'll go unnoticed.

Next, buy most of the ingredients ahead of time -- she'll interpret a well-stocked fridge much more favorably than an expensive sports car. It makes the occasion look normal to you, although she will of course find it special, not being used to eating such things. You won't look like you're going out of your way to impress her, in other words, which would broadcast eagerness.

However, make sure to leave a few things for the last minute: that way, you can make a trip together to the grocer's to pick them up (fresh bread is a no-brainer here). This gives you some banter time in the car / on foot, lets you look at home picking out expensive food, and perhaps allow you to run into the manager or owner for a pat on the back. It's a mini-date before the real date, and the Mystery Method is pretty keen on "multiple-venue dates" so that you two go through a wider range of experiences and emotions within the same amount of time as going out to a movie.

If she isn't comfortable coming over to your house just yet, invite her on a less threatening shopping date where you tell her you're going to pick up some things at the supermarket, and why doesn't she tag along to help? Girls love fantasizing about expensive food that's spread before their eyes, even more than trying on shoes. And since she's not going there for herself, for once she can browse Dean & DeLuca without that annoying voice telling her, "You know you can't afford that. You should put that back if you want this. Are you trying to turn yourself into a blimp?" Just don't veer far away from what you'd normally buy -- just like you wouldn't let her dress you head to toe.

Next episode: bouncing from the grocer's to the importer's.


  1. Yeah. And just in case any guys reading still think a restaurant is a good date idea:

    - You're sitting across from one another, making kino escalation, probably the most important part of pickup after attraction (and it generates attraction in itself) Remember, as a species, kino was helping guys close before language even existed.

    - Usually in restaurants you eat a lot. When girls eat a lot of food do they usually feel good about themselves? Nope. You think she'll put out if she feels bloated and TIRED? She'll probably even need to ablute afterwards, not very sexy. A stuffed girl is a self-conscious girl. Self-conscious girls are good for attraction, deadly for seduction. So take note - if you're making her a meal, keep it light enough. Have great buffet like selection though, as agnostic says.

    - Money means little to women. What is money really? Pieces of paper, fluff, and that's how a girl probably views money subconsciously. So what does that mean? Bascially - when you pass this ethereal substance to the waiter at the end of the date, the moment has lost all effect on your target. She has just been served food on a platter by this waiter, cooked by someone else - subconsciously the waiter and cook (who she can't even see!) have flipped her protection of loved ones switch more than you have, you idiot! You handing over a couple of green slips at the end will not undo the damage. So at least before first intimacy, always cook for her yourself.

    - Oh wait, her brain will conclude one thing from you spending piles of money on her in a restaurant - NEEDINESS.

  2. - Working as a waiter, I used to recieve many IOI's from females. Probably because I was bringing them food, looking after them etc. Bobby Rio, a PUA on Seduction Bible, talked in his podcasts about how he used to score like hell when working in a restaurant.

    - The great thing about bringing her shopping and then making a meal for her is that you're conveying non-neediness (you've gotta eat, she's just joining you, you would cook for yourself anyway) but also that you are absorbing her into your frame.

  3. None of this sounds right to me. In my experience if a woman is willing to come to your apartment she's willing to have sex with you. At that point you don't have to feed her.

    At only one time in my life have I had a date come back to my apartment only to discover, when I tried to initiate sex, that she wasn't expecting sex. We still had sex.

  4. What anonymous said. If she's at your place, it's game over. You no longer need seduction, you just need to not do anything really stupid.

  5. Why dont you try the very novel concept of just being yourself and being polite to women you are attracted to and letting them know that you are single and looking in a respectful manner? You know, the way we have done since the beginings of modern civilization.

    Warning: If you "mind-fuck" some gal and she winds up being your girlfriend due to psych tricks that make her feel that you have more "social value" than you really do.............someday, and it wont be that many months (less than two years surely unless she is stupid), she will wake up, look across the bed and see YOU. YOU with all your faults. She will not see you as smarter than you are, more wealth-earining and financially stable than you are, not better looking than you are, not wittier than you are, not "cooler" than you are or anything else. She will see YOU for who you are.

    Ask you think some very average plain girl could "play" you into falling in love with her by subtley making you think she is "all that" and slyly making you feel a little nervous about the things that you have going for you yourself, undermining your confidence all the while pulling a month-long-mood scam on you? Me either, but thats pretty much what these things are.

    Be yourself, look for a similar gal. You'll wind up being much happier. Divorces can be financiall ruinious.

  6. Yo, I didn't say lie or grossly deceive -- Game is like learning how to fill out job applications, what to do at the interview, what to do even before applying for a job so that you'll have plenty of good things to say when you apply for one, etc.


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