May 14, 2009

Germans were producing revolting porn even 40,000 years ago

Germany and Japan produce and consume the sickest kind of pornography you can think of -- I shouldn't have to make a list of it. It turns out that Germans were putting this stuff out as far back as 40,000 years ago. These so-called Venus figurines usually depict females so morbidly obese that they would only satisfy German fetishes.

Every time these figurines come up in discussion, we're told that they have something to do with fertility symbols -- rather than the obvious conclusion that guys have always wanted something to help them masturbate better. I wouldn't be surprised if one day we discover a 30,000 year-old horse femur that had been hollowed out, covered with lard on the inside, and had traces of human semen at one end. At least a few prehistoric men must have been in the market for a Paleolithic Fleshlight.

Now, those women in the Altamira cave paintings may have been a little on the Kate Moss side of the BMI scale, but at least you wouldn't lose yourself in their tubby folds. Just as during the Baroque period, when Velazquez painted a slender Venus -- in contrast to the seacows that the northern Rubens forced on his viewers -- so even among the cave races did the Spaniards err more on the side of femininity rather than fattitude.

2 comments:

  1. German porn is notorious for being twisted. I was in Germany a few years ago and noticed that even the bookstores in the train stations sell all kinds of porn. I noticed much of it was twisted (S&M and the like).

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  2. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YK2VZgJ4AoM&NR=1


    Continuing with the young vs. old theme, just take a gander at Brooke Shields in her prime.

    Damned! I forgot she was ever that beautiful. She looks like a trannie now vs. back then.


    I wish that "style" of make-up, hair, and clothing would come back amongst the ladies.




    ...............On the germans and porn: A buddy of mine was stationed in Okinawa Japan and told me several Japanese women in that area had some extreme proclivities sexually (excessive anal stuff, etc). This suprised me. The germans are famous for scat and s&m porn, which is pretty damned revolting to me personally. Sex only need be passionate for yours truly, not kinkified.

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