December 12, 2008

Forecast: eternal youth

Tonight while cooling off on the club's patio, some guy came up and started small talk, and pretty soon got to "How old are you?" I couldn't tell if he was gay and good at hiding it, due to the conservative environment of the Mountain Time Zone, or if he was sent by some girls who were too shy to ask themselves.

Guess, I said.

"Uh, 21?"

Pretty close.

"Ummm... 20?"

I told him, no, other way, but pretty close, and then interrupted the interrogation by asking how old he was.

"I just turned 23."

Now, I could see if he was a teenager who had no experience with 20-somethings. But at 23, he should be able to spot a guy in his late 20s. I usually hear 22 or 23, but it's always a treat -- even if it's from a guy -- to hear a year or two younger. I can't believe he went lower when I told him 21 was only close.

I don't really worry about the pretty young things finding me attractive -- they'll do so even when I'm clearly over 40. But if they view you as too far out of their age group, they'll only be into you as an exciting fling. Nothing wrong with some college girl booty on the side, of course, but I don't want for my only steady dating options to be with women over 25.

That must be why the lead singers of rock groups have so many willing young groupies -- there are other good-looking, famous guys in their late 20s and beyond (such as actors and athletes), but the lead singer is full of energy, confidently performs in front of a crowd, and sings about things that teenagers not only relate to, but feel as if the singer wrote the song for them. "i mean, he may be kinda old, but i feel like he gets me. i dunno, y'know? plus he's pretty cuteee."

They'd not only fuck him for fun -- they crush really hard on him, just as though he sat in the back of their math class. It's too bad the dumb shits tend to marry women their own age, often older, surely out of laziness. Billie Joe Armstrong, Gerard Way, John Lennon, Paul McCartney -- what a waste of potential. When I become a professor (or whatever I end up as), there's no way in hell I'm marrying an academic my own age. There will always be those cute students who feel that they share a special connection with you, god bless 'em.

Getting to tag tight-bodied 20 year-olds when you're over 30 must be pretty sweet, but the young ones are also really affectionate and romantic toward their crushes, as their mothering genes haven't been switched on yet. As I always say, nothing wrong with women getting all maternal, but you should be getting kids out of the deal. Otherwise you only suffer the costs of their changing hormone levels and enjoy none of the benefits.


  1. While I'm all in favor of nerds shagging cute booty, I do want to warn you that academia is political as hell and full of nasty feminist harridans. Beware.

  2. Yes, I agree even without the feminazi's, you run into endless cockblocking by women in and past their 30's. They consider you screwing a women in her 20's absolutley morally wrong, wrong, WRONG.


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