February 24, 2015

Is the queen of rom-coms a lesbo?

This item at Blind Gossip mentions an actress who was playing all touchy-feely with her man at the Oscars, but only when the cameras were on them. During the pre- and after-party, when the cameras were not rolling, she was with her girlfriend. Her public relationship is just a PR stunt.

She will not come out of the closet because she fears that she'll lose her fan base and industry support.

The only way a closeted lesbian could lose a male fan base by coming out is if she were a sex bomb that they're all jerking off to. Nobody in Hollywood is that hot. No one who gets into the Oscars, anyway, which excludes mere eye candy actresses. In fact, coming out might actually titillate a sex-crazed male fan base, who'd start picturing her getting it on with some other celebrity babe.

That leaves a female fan base, who have invested so much of their lives into following her as a role model. How would coming out as a lesbian shatter their faith in her? If her roles had primarily been about a down-on-her-luck kinda gal who meets Mr. Right and everything works out great in the end. Discovering that they had been trying to imitate the love life of a lesbian all along would ruin the last hope they had of finding their prince.

The only good guess in the comments at the BG post is Jennifer Aniston. Most of them are moronically guessing Oprah, who is not an actress. One clue pointing to Aniston is the phrase "so sweet," perhaps referring to her recent drama Cake. Another clue is that "she really wants to win an Oscar more than she wants you to know the truth!" Someone pointed out that Aniston made headlines recently with the phrase "We know our own truth," referring to her relationship / engagement to seemingly closeted homosexual Justin Theroux.

Pictures of them show zero chemistry, which technically just means they are a sham couple, not necessarily that she is incapable of chemistry with men altogether in real life.

Still, check Google Images for pictures of Aniston and Selena Gomez, whether at the recent Oscars after-party or in numerous other occasions. They look way more into each other than Aniston and Theroux do. There's another set of pictures from Sunday's after-party of Aniston and Amy Adams looking tender together.

The blind item didn't say that the actress' girlfriend was famous herself, so I don't claim that Gomez or Adams are Aniston's girlfriend. It's just to point out how much more open and warmed-up she evidently feels around other women.

I'm happy to say that I never did get the whole Jennifer Aniston craze. They tried to make her a sex symbol during the '90s, and I even watched a few episodes of Friends just to see what all the hubbub was about. Nothing. Talk about being over-hyped. I didn't know any other guys who were into her either, but she must have had a niche following among doormat types.

I do understand her appeal to aging single women, and that makes me think it's her. She would lose industry support because her whole schtick is the rom-com princess, something that absolutely does not allow for a lesbian actress.

The Hollywood executives would lose so much money that could've been scored from churning out a dozen more inane Aniston rom-coms. And her fans would feel betrayed and led astray. "No wonder she has such trouble finding and holding onto a man!"

Lesson number one in finding Mr. Right: don't imitate the personality of a lesbian.


  1. Jennifer Aniston was my first thought but isn't Meg Ryan the queen of romcom?

  2. IMHO Cameron Diaz deserves the title of a queen of romcom.

  3. Moron here. Actually, Oprah has been in movies and her coming out would affect her fans. However, your guess of Aniston is probably better but spending her time on movies like Cake will probably end her reign of romcom queen faster then these rumors. The only screen shot I ever see of the Oscars is of the gay host in his underwear. Finally, was Friends a kind of feminine version of Cheers? I enjoyed the latter but never watched more then a few minutes of the former. Thank you for your blog.

  4. The Vermifuge2/24/15, 1:54 PM

    The problem with trying to pinpoint Aniston is that, at 46, she's on her way out as appealing in rom-coms. Besides, childless and with menopause on the way in, there's the potential that she's envious of the new youths and is searching for a way to become a succubus (or she just wants to tap into the feeling of BFFs and not touch her age).

    I predict that the next woman Hollywood will put in the Aniston role is Dakota Johnson. The Internet keeps plastering articles about her everywhere, she's in that movie that's causing women to Peewee Herman in the theaters, and she's so plain that she's not intimidating. If you start to hear about her failed love-life, then it's almost certain the machine will make her a sex symbol to fulfill the self-esteem of the tabloid-buying public.

  5. Rom-coms can star old women, too. Something's Gotta Give, the #16 movie at the box office in 2003, starred a 60-something man and a 57 year-old woman.

    The set-up is the old man has a history of dating young women, and this old woman is going to charm him away from chasing pussy and into dating someone more like himself. His character arc is becoming more enlightened and fulfilled, her arc is finally hooking Mr. Right. Everybody wins.

    Jennifer Aniston will have to shape her image into a more mature one like Diane Keaton if she wants those senior citizen rom-com parts, but those roles will be there, whoever gets them. Perhaps that's why she's taking these serious drama roles now, like in Cake, to shed her plucky down-on-her-luck image of her 20s and 30s.

  6. Jennifer Aniston was married to Brad Pitt. He was a superstar already when they married, so if your guess is true, what did he gain from the marriage?

  7. Not really a superstar. He hadn't made it as a leading man. He was the sidekick in Seven, the only movie of his to break into the top 20 at the box office. The others that he starred or co-starred in were below 30 in the yearly rankings. Cult favs like Fight Club, but not blockbusters.

    Leading man potential required landing a super-famous It Girl, to "create brand synergy" in the inane crass lingo of modern film marketing. It makes each star more bankable than being single. Plus getting married makes them appear more mature, and able to land roles that need someone who isn't as boyish as Brad Pitt.

    We know it was just a PR stunt since he made a guest appearance on Friends after they got married. "Oh wow, they're married in real life, and now they're on each other's projects! If he's got Jen's approval, he has mine too. Where do I buy tickets for his movies???"

    Once he got married, he landed the leading role of Achilles in Troy, and scored the #13 movie for 2004 -- as the lead this time, not the sidekick as in Seven. The next year, he finally broke into the top 10 as the lead, in Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

    After Aniston had served her purpose -- and after he had served his purpose of establishing her as definitely not a dull closeted lesbian -- he decided to cut her loose. And she didn't take him to the cleaners on the divorce, since she had gotten out of him what she needed.

  8. I'm glad you pointed out the Anniston-overhypedness in terms of hotness. It was when I awoke to the fact that women were claiming she was The Sexiest Woman Alive, not men. When I pointed this out to my then-gf, she got mad at me for ruining women's dreams of being the girl-next-door-who-can-still-be-the-prom-queen.


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