Hidden homos: Tim Allen of Home Improvement and Toy Story?

This blind item claims that an actor with "several successful hit projects in different areas of the entertainment business" is "either bisexual or gay." (NB: so-called bisexual men are typically gay.) What's so shocking about that? Well, he's not the ordinary no-duh kind of queer entertainer like Ricky Martin. "He is probably considered a real 'man’s man' to most men; he reminds women of their own husbands; and even kids like him." Sadly, he's not keeping his thoughts to himself, but acting on his urges:

He bought a condo in a large city for himself and his boyfriend. The boyfriend is very cute and is quite a bit younger than the star. They were reportedly very sweet and affectionate with each other while shopping for their little love nest.

Looking through the consensus guesses at Blind Gossip, the only one that makes sense is Tim Allen of Home Improvement, the Toy Story franchise, the Santa Clause movies, and current TV show Last Man Standing. None of the other popular guesses are much of a hit with children, unless kindergarteners are secretly addicted to re-runs of Married With Children or Everybody Loves Raymond. Romano is a voice on the Ice Age movies for kids, but is not currently in a "starring role" on TV. The all-ages appeal points more clearly to Tim Allen rather than Ed O'Neill or Ray Romano.

Any of these guys batting for the other team, though, would make us re-evaluate a major supposedly masculine role model. So I checked up on all of them with Google Images. Ray Romano gives off only faint gay vibes, mostly nervousness every time he's smiling, yet nothing strong. Ed O'Neill doesn't give off gay vibes at all. Man, I was really worried about checking into that one -- don't let it be the anti-PC folk hero, Al "four touchdowns in a single game" Bundy! Nope, he's safe.

Then it came to the star of Home Improvement... and now I see why he chose the nickname Tim the Toolman. I was never a big fan of Home Improvement and didn't really see or get into anything else he did, so I didn't have a strong memory of what he looked like. Yet even back in the '90s, pictures show him having that characteristic Peter Pan homo expression -- eyebrows raised straight up in surprise, mouth agape, the stereotypical "surprised" face that small children make so often, given how novel everything is when you're that young.

Caricatured surprise face pictures here, here, here.

Come to think of it -- didn't his character always strike you as more of a man-child than a jaded mature man? That was the whole joke -- what would happen if you let a hyperactive child grab hold of turbo-charged power tools? Wacky, Looney Tunes stuff! He wasn't a man's man, but a child aping a grown-up. That's the issue of larger importance here: big deal if some random celeb is a closeted queer, this guy was supposed to represent masculinity and give the mass male audience someone to emulate during the height of '90s feminazi castration. Yet Jill totally wore the pants around the house, and was far wiser than her doofus dad husband who always caved in, sulking off to his man cave. Can it be an accident that this iconic character was conceived of and played by a homosexual?

His recent pictures make him look more-or-less out of the closet, as far as facial expressions and mannerisms go. If I saw him hanging out at a Starbucks and didn't know who he was, I'd swear he was there creepily scoping out the young dudes. First the pictures that ought to set off anyone's gaydar who lives in a place packed with fudgepackers, then some clarification about what features jump out as gay.

No single one is damning, but rather the overall pattern. See for example here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here.

Initial hints include a 60 y.o. wearing fashionably spiky hair, tinted eyeglasses (in two colors, no less -- lavender and yellow), tight-fitting "edgy" leather jacket, and generally trying to look way too trendy for his age. The mostly black palette points to the boy toy he's trying to impress living on the East Coast, probably New York.

It's the facial expressions, though, that give him a very gay look. The defining trait of gays is their infantilization ("girls yucky"). Bowing the head while looking ahead creates the "surprised" eyebrows and shows submission rather than mature dominance (chin up). Guys, when was the last time you gave anyone that "looking over top of your glasses" look with your lips pursed, like "I'm such a little stinker!"? Never. Allen also has the distinctive pursing of the mouth like he's holding back a chuckle. It's what children do when they've played a trick on you but you haven't found out what it is yet.

His smile rarely shows lips that are raised-at-the-corners, but rather pulled sideways, the upper lip running straight across, with his lower lip pushed down and out somewhat, revealing some of his lower row of teeth (which never show in a true adult smile). It gives it a "tense agape mouth" look like when babies smile. Google Image search "baby smile" and you'll see their lips are pulled sideways at the corners, not back-and-up like grown-ups do, and reveal their lower teeth (or the place where they'll be if they're not in yet).

For comparison, here is a picture of a baby with the pursed lips and eyebrow-raised stare (another), and here is one of a baby smiling (another).

For someone who's supposed to be a real man's man, you never see him giving an authoritative glare. He looks like a giddy overgrown baby.

Infantilized facial expressions plus overly fashionable 60 y.o. who's not in the fashion industry himself -- well, judge for yourself.