October 25, 2013

Hidden homos: Tim Allen of Home Improvement and Toy Story?

This blind item claims that an actor with "several successful hit projects in different areas of the entertainment business" is "either bisexual or gay." (NB: so-called bisexual men are typically gay.) What's so shocking about that? Well, he's not the ordinary no-duh kind of queer entertainer like Ricky Martin. "He is probably considered a real 'man’s man' to most men; he reminds women of their own husbands; and even kids like him." Sadly, he's not keeping his thoughts to himself, but acting on his urges:

He bought a condo in a large city for himself and his boyfriend. The boyfriend is very cute and is quite a bit younger than the star. They were reportedly very sweet and affectionate with each other while shopping for their little love nest.

Looking through the consensus guesses at Blind Gossip, the only one that makes sense is Tim Allen of Home Improvement, the Toy Story franchise, the Santa Clause movies, and current TV show Last Man Standing. None of the other popular guesses are much of a hit with children, unless kindergarteners are secretly addicted to re-runs of Married With Children or Everybody Loves Raymond. Romano is a voice on the Ice Age movies for kids, but is not currently in a "starring role" on TV. The all-ages appeal points more clearly to Tim Allen rather than Ed O'Neill or Ray Romano.

Any of these guys batting for the other team, though, would make us re-evaluate a major supposedly masculine role model. So I checked up on all of them with Google Images. Ray Romano gives off only faint gay vibes, mostly nervousness every time he's smiling, yet nothing strong. Ed O'Neill doesn't give off gay vibes at all. Man, I was really worried about checking into that one -- don't let it be the anti-PC folk hero, Al "four touchdowns in a single game" Bundy! Nope, he's safe.

Then it came to the star of Home Improvement... and now I see why he chose the nickname Tim the Toolman. I was never a big fan of Home Improvement and didn't really see or get into anything else he did, so I didn't have a strong memory of what he looked like. Yet even back in the '90s, pictures show him having that characteristic Peter Pan homo expression -- eyebrows raised straight up in surprise, mouth agape, the stereotypical "surprised" face that small children make so often, given how novel everything is when you're that young.

Caricatured surprise face pictures here, here, here.

Come to think of it -- didn't his character always strike you as more of a man-child than a jaded mature man? That was the whole joke -- what would happen if you let a hyperactive child grab hold of turbo-charged power tools? Wacky, Looney Tunes stuff! He wasn't a man's man, but a child aping a grown-up. That's the issue of larger importance here: big deal if some random celeb is a closeted queer, this guy was supposed to represent masculinity and give the mass male audience someone to emulate during the height of '90s feminazi castration. Yet Jill totally wore the pants around the house, and was far wiser than her doofus dad husband who always caved in, sulking off to his man cave. Can it be an accident that this iconic character was conceived of and played by a homosexual?

His recent pictures make him look more-or-less out of the closet, as far as facial expressions and mannerisms go. If I saw him hanging out at a Starbucks and didn't know who he was, I'd swear he was there creepily scoping out the young dudes. First the pictures that ought to set off anyone's gaydar who lives in a place packed with fudgepackers, then some clarification about what features jump out as gay.

No single one is damning, but rather the overall pattern. See for example here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here.

Initial hints include a 60 y.o. wearing fashionably spiky hair, tinted eyeglasses (in two colors, no less -- lavender and yellow), tight-fitting "edgy" leather jacket, and generally trying to look way too trendy for his age. The mostly black palette points to the boy toy he's trying to impress living on the East Coast, probably New York.

It's the facial expressions, though, that give him a very gay look. The defining trait of gays is their infantilization ("girls yucky"). Bowing the head while looking ahead creates the "surprised" eyebrows and shows submission rather than mature dominance (chin up). Guys, when was the last time you gave anyone that "looking over top of your glasses" look with your lips pursed, like "I'm such a little stinker!"? Never. Allen also has the distinctive pursing of the mouth like he's holding back a chuckle. It's what children do when they've played a trick on you but you haven't found out what it is yet.

His smile rarely shows lips that are raised-at-the-corners, but rather pulled sideways, the upper lip running straight across, with his lower lip pushed down and out somewhat, revealing some of his lower row of teeth (which never show in a true adult smile). It gives it a "tense agape mouth" look like when babies smile. Google Image search "baby smile" and you'll see their lips are pulled sideways at the corners, not back-and-up like grown-ups do, and reveal their lower teeth (or the place where they'll be if they're not in yet).

For comparison, here is a picture of a baby with the pursed lips and eyebrow-raised stare (another), and here is one of a baby smiling (another).

For someone who's supposed to be a real man's man, you never see him giving an authoritative glare. He looks like a giddy overgrown baby.

Infantilized facial expressions plus overly fashionable 60 y.o. who's not in the fashion industry himself -- well, judge for yourself.

23 comments:

  1. But he's gotten married to a woman twice.

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  2. The blind item does say he's married with kids.

    Like it says, he's closeted, not out. Getting married doesn't make a gay man straight.

    Homosexuality isn't a single trait that we judge solely based on reports of his sexual behavior, or his marital status. It's a full-blown syndrome, the entire gestalt of which sets off a person's gaydar.

    If the commenters at Blind Gossip would allow themselves to notice stereotypes, they could've easily solved this one. The pictures are just about impossible to have come from a normal man.

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  3. One thing that always surprised me about Tim Allen is that he used to deal drugs.

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  4. Steve Johnson10/25/13, 11:22 AM

    Ed O'Neil gay?

    Easy to dispel that with one freaking sentence from wikipedia (the second sentence is just icing on the cake):

    After being introduced to Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu by his friend writer/director John Milius, O'Neill has trained in the martial art for 22 years under the mentoring of Rorion Gracie. In December 2007, O'Neill received his black belt.

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  5. The sidekick on Home Improvement was much better. Richard Karn.

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  6. I wouldn't trust doing MMA as a disqualifier from being gay. Aside from that black trannie who fights women, there's Alex Reid --

    http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2012/10/30/chantelle-houghton-alex-reid_n_2042837.html

    http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2012/05/31/alex-reid-cross-dressing-chantelle-houghton_n_1558600.html

    'Alex Reid Arranged To Meet Up For Sex With A Man As His Alter Ego Roxanne'

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  7. What do you think about Stephen Colbert or Jon Stewart?

    By your standards they both put off many gay tendencies/expressions/cues.

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  8. That's their schtick. You have to check pictures when they're not in-character. Colbert has plenty of pictures of him with a normal smile.

    Stewart is harder to read. He does that lips-pressed-together / eyebrows raised thing like a smiling baby. Hard to find good real-life pictures of him, though.

    Plus, no gay rumors for either one. Every crypto-homo has a rumor about him, even if there are more rumors than closet cases.

    Colbert -- no way. Stewart -- probably not, but not as obviously.

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  9. Steve Johnson10/26/13, 8:19 AM

    1) BJJ isn't MMA. Being a subset it requires more technical knowledge and skill.

    2) (more importantly) Pursuing BJJ as a hobby (for 20+ years!) is worlds different than having a few professional fights in MMA. Physical talent can trump dedication in MMA. Physical talent doesn't take you nearly as far in BJJ - check out videos of Marcelo Garcia beating Ricco Rodriguez in the ADCC. Ricco has at least an 80 lb advantage. In MMA he'd destroy Marcelo - in BJJ he gets submitted and fights scared the whole time.

    3) Don't be all TGGP - if someone is into BJJ (or even MMA) as a hobby - 9,999 out of 10,000 he's not gay. Some sicko trannie who likes to beat up women and one counter-example shouldn't distract from that.

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  10. In "Home Improvement," Tim Allen never had any chemistry with his wife. I saw this episode on married couples sex which was just excruciating.

    George Clooney didn't have any chemistry with Catherine Zeta Jones in "Intolerable Cruelty." Clooney is supposed to be a smarmy divorce lawyer who tames and is tamed by femme fatale Catherine.

    Ricky Martin and Catherine once presented an award together on MTV(?), and Catherine mock-swooned when Ricky kissed her on the cheek (ooh, Latin Lover), except Ricky came across as a complete goofball.

    I'm not familiar with the entire oeuvre of these actors, but the lack of any kind of connection between man and woman was apparent.

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  11. Tim's character not only didn't have any chemistry with Jill -- it was like he was a naughty little boy trying to hide his shenanigans from his all-knowing yet indulgent mother. Just like a fag hag relationship -- mother / son, not husband / wife.

    George Clooney and Ryan Reynolds are the Cary Grant and Rock Hudson of the Millennial era.

    On a hunch that the handful of newer movies that I do like would have non-gay lead actors, I checked on Christian Bale's pictures -- zero gay vibes.

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  12. I actually linked to a clip from the Ryan Reynolds movie "Definitely, Maybe" on your post on wisecracking dames. I've only seen a part of it, but again, no connection between the Reynolds and the wisecracking dame.

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  13. The difficult cases are the interesting ones.

    So what about Jon Stewart? He's unbearable and unfunny.

    I wonder if that is a serious factor in why a lot of people don't realize that there are so many gays in the popular culture. You see people who are off-putting and you just don't watch the movies or shows.

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  14. What about Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos?

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  15. "What about Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos?"

    He may be married, but he only wants men to kindle his fire.

    Pictures are obvious, and if I heard him speak in an interview, I'm sure it'd be a lock.

    I was debating doing a post on him, given how powerful and influential he is, not just in general but in particular on pushing the normalization of gay deviance. Most libertarians have better things to do, but he's pushing hard on homo marriage.

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  16. I guess not about his voice. Not masculine/straight, but not incredibly gay either like I expected.

    I've only known a few gay nerds, and the only one whose voice I remember (part of our social circle in college) didn't have a flaming voice or mannerisms.

    But the facial expressions in pictures look pretty clear.

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  17. "So what about Jon Stewart? He's unbearable and unfunny."

    Definitely, although it's hard to tell if he's using the hyper-gay faces as a cheap cover-up for his utter lack of funny. It's like how Adam Sandler is always screaming like a retard to hide the fact that his jokes and gags are not funny.

    And Stewart doesn't seem very ambitious like a gay would be. My tentative conclusion -- he's a no-talent hack who observed that the intense gay / kabuki persona was becoming the in thing, and jumped on the bandwagon. He's aping gay.

    Do you remember his early persona on the Jon Stewart Show, on MTV? He was trying to go for the detached, disaffected Gen X thing -- whatever is the trendy thing, he'll ape, since he doesn't have any comic persona of his own.

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  18. "I wonder if that is a serious factor in why a lot of people don't realize that there are so many gays in the popular culture. You see people who are off-putting and you just don't watch the movies or shows."

    Exactly. Why do so few contempo actresses or singers do it for me? Maybe they're lesbians or skanky bisexuals, or the odd male-to-female transsexual. Why don't there seem to be as many Harrison Fords as there used to be? Well, maybe all these Ryan Reynoldses and Will Smiths are actually gay / on the down-low.

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  19. Just the opposite of Richard Gere!

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  20. Allen doesn't strike me as a "real man's man" as the item claims. The recent changes in his hairstyle and clothing aren't really gay, they're more like an aging man's (unconvincing) attempt to look young and virile.

    Peter

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  21. did you see this?

    "Megyn Kelly Praises 'Very Brave' Tim Allen For Coming 'Out Of The Closet'...As a conservative."

    his expression is awesome.


    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/megyn-kelly-tim-allen_us_56cab84ce4b0928f5a6c5c04

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  22. The 2013 three hour interview on you tube ed says that he is gay in the first hour.

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  23. https://twitter.com/alpharivelino/status/780923218760765441

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