'80s night, younger-girl paradise

In the post below, I mentioned that one of the Whiterpeople things I like is '80s night, though technically it was just the idea that intrigued me. But recently I've finally gone my first one, and it was great, feeding my desire for both young girls and dance music. The '90s were a pretty barren decade for dance music, when we remember that the techno that came out was not suitable to dancing. The early 2000s weren't very great either, and only within the past few years has danceable electronic music become somewhat popular again, although the trend was in its incipient stage by 2003.

Take the song "D.A.N.C.E." by Justice -- from the basslines that carried over from disco to the references to Michael Jackson, it's firmly rooted in the last decade to have produced good nightclub music.

I wonder whether nightclubs that host '80s night will cater to Whiterpeople's preferences by trying to see which club can play the most obscure yet still accessible songs. They've got 10 years of music to work with, after all. Once '80s night becomes mainstream, I can see the hipster clubs abandoning it as a ironic thing and making it counter-ironic (doubly "ironic"?) -- for example, by only playing indie music from the decade that Whiterpeople might still recognize, like the Jesus and Mary Chain. "Huhuh, you thought we were going to play Prince, didn't you? Made ya look! That idea's been dead since last Wednesday."

In the meantime, pretty young things from all music cliques flock to any club that will allow them to play dress-up in a non-slutty and non-arcane way. The result -- a denim skirt over leggings with an off-the-shoulder t-shirt -- isn't the most attractive, but their goal is just to have some silly harmless fun. The music is nonthreatening and lighthearted, which is the mood you want them to be in when you're approaching them cold. If the music is too overtly sexual, only the sluttier ones will dance, since most girls don't like thinking of themselves as hoochie mamas.

Disco is somewhat of an exception, since it's pretty provocative, yet is still far short of post-1992 hip hop. But disco is better for those who've graduated college and can handle more sexually charged music. When college-aged kids try to dance to disco, they broadcast their immaturity.

I breathed a great sigh of relief when I realized that I could pass as a roughly college-aged person and so not make the girls uneasy about my age. If they thought that I was old enough to remember any of the songs when they first came out, I would instantly be pegged as "the old guy in the club," since most were 21 - 22 or younger. Standing 5'8, weighing 135 lbs, and having a pretty boy face make it easy to fly under the radar: though I'm 27, everyone tells me I look about 23.

I knew I was safe when, while dancing with two girls I'd approached, one 18 and the other 21, a guy who was probably in his mid-late 30s came by staring shamelessly at the teenagers nearby (he looked like he had worked the same low-level IT job since 1994). One of the girls said, "Oh my god, that guy is like old enough to be all of our fathers!" Really -- "our," huh? Sweeeeet.

The only thing that can catch you off-guard, aside from the occasional incomprehensible slang word, is the feel of their flesh: it's like a party balloon blown up and stuffed with Jello. This changes quickly into an oatmeal-in-Saran-Wrap texture, so it's quite a shock at first. It also feels very different when covered in sweat -- being more taut, it makes perspiration form a layer of beads on top of it, rather than absorb a fair amount of it in the wrinkles and folds that eventually form. And it may be that they just sweat more. Whatever the cause, the greater quantity of younger-girl sweat on the surface makes it easier for them to leave their scent on you too. If you pretend this is all normal, they won't suspect anything.

I know it's considered poor taste to only approach girls in their late teens, but indulging in this barely-a-vice prevents me from committing far greater vices with girls my own age. I would feel no brake on the "casual sex and leave" instinct in that case, since by then they're too jaded to expect or want much else. Unless they're exceptional, of course, but I don't want to waste time searching for exceptions. By contrast, I'd have to be the grand-daddy of SOBs to "pump and dump" a vulnerable and adorable 18 year-old, and I'm not interested in the sluttier (uglier) ones who wouldn't mind it. In the end, I'm only concerned with behaving properly, not with thinking proper thoughts, and if constraining my choices makes that easier, then that's the solution. It's like a glutton restricting themselves to buying healthy food, so that the temptation to sin doesn't even arise.