December 31, 2021

"Auld Helle Sytes"

This one goes out to those personas whose memories linger on, and who we continue to cherish, even if they're no longer "on here," wherever "here" may be these days.

Roissy, Udolpho, Alias Clio, and the GNXP crew from the blogosphere. The original cozy groypers from Twitter (including a very special fren, who miraculously came back from the Isle of the Banned). Not to mention the anti-woke left babes from Twitter -- Heather Habsburg, Caroline, and the most sorely missed of all, by all, Alison Balsam. (I should have titled the song "Alf Lang Syne" to better catch her attention...)

Don't be strangers forever. I don't mean toward me specifically, I mean toward your entire peeps in the online space in general.

Here's to the good ol' days, as we enter the New Year.

* * *

Should old account-frens stay logged off
And lurk like ghosts online
Should old account-frens stay logged off
From auld helle sytes

For auld helle sytes, anon
For auld helle sytes
A popping cork we'll type in chat
For auld helle sytes


  1. My brother surprised me with an Alf lunchbox / thermos this year for my birthday, for nostalgia value, but it hit on another level because of its link to the haunting memory of a cyber-ghost.

    Maybe I could conjure the dead back to life with a tribute song... "Alison's Posts" to the tune of a similarly titled Gin Blossoms song. Jangly power-pop energetic enough to breathe life back into a ghost, I think.

    And the thing is, I didn't even interact with her that much (unlike Aimee & Anna reading here). But it's not hard to put yourself in the mind of her reply guys. She was one of the special ones.

    Never too late to start a blog, if you want to be free from the toxic parapolitical bullshit on Twitter, and just want to sincerity-post. Impossible to do in the Twitter panopticon. She always had a Romantic streak, nothing more goth than living among the ruins of the blogosphere.

  2. It's mind-blowing how disposable the Twitter crowd treat their fave accounts. Once they de-activate or get banned, 99% of their reply guys and mufos just completely move on like they never existed at all.

    I searched Alison's name and handle on Twitter -- basically one or two reply-guy diehards occasionally mentioning her.

    I suppose there could be more that don't have her name / handle, like "Feel like shit, just want her back" with an attached screenshot of her posting about the naughty squirrel peeping into her room while hanging upside-down outside her window, like it's nbd.

    I'm sure most of her Twitter followers don't even remember that one, or any other one in particular. For them, posts and feeds and timelines are just a steady drip of digital copium, each drop indistinguishable from the next.

    But I 'memmer. And I've mourned her loss / encouraged her retvrn more than they have, too. Not because I was a super-fan -- just because I'm not an emotionally crippled retard who treated her "content" like it was merely the next in a swirling series of substances to abuse.

    Blogosphere people are more appreciative of what you did for us, Alison. We would welcome you as one of us. If you need to occasionally shitpost / post off-topic, just do it in the comments section of your own blog, and have a comment feed in the sidebar like I do.

    Wishing the best on your haunting cyber journeys, wherever they may take you in the New Year.

  3. Call me derangel of the forum,
    Just sub my tweets 'fore you delete

  4. Alison Balsam resembles Pamela Sue Martin, most famous for Dynasty, which I haven't seen, but also the teen in the Poseidon Adventure, which I just saw. Looked her up and was struck by the Ali Balsam likeness and overall persona / vibe:

    Same birth phase (manic: early '50s and early '80s), both tall (5'8 for Martin, 5'10 for Ali Balsam), both... something else, I don't know. But yielding a similar outcome.

    She's one of the survivors at the end of the Poseidon Adventure, just like Alison was one of the few to safely escape from the hellsite after it got broadsided by a tsunami of wokeness during the seaquake year of 2020. Takes bravery and determination.

    Just wish there was a "where are they now?" for the bygone anti-woke left wahmen. Go on Red Scare!

  5. Caroline @as_a_woman resembles Ava Gardner. Just watched Earthquake, and decided to look up some of her earlier pictures -- like Caroline's Midcentury ancestor, if they'd had Instagram in the '40s. I don't just mean the overall look, but specifically her intense composed gaze, and being a dark smoldering Southerner.

    Turns out she's from the Raleigh NC metro area, just like Caroline. Must be a relation there somewhere...


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