September 8, 2021

Bijan Men: the psychotropic cologne for dominating others while keeping calm

I thought this might have been an idiosyncratic reaction that only I have, and only to this one cologne. But after listening to the Perfume Nationalist episode on Bijan Men, I'm inclined to think it's general, though perhaps I have an extreme version of the reaction.

I wouldn't describe any other cologne as psychotropic, but this one just instantly alters my mood, cognition, and behavior, and it remains changed for the rest of the day. It feels somewhat like a hijacking, but also like an unlocking or disinhibition of what's already there. So that may be why the reaction is not universal -- you may need a certain degree of these traits to already be present, and it will jack them up to 11.

To describe it in more detail, I lose any degree of nervousness, uncertainty, indecisiveness, etc. Not that I'm those things normally, just that they are totally gone. I can focus like a laser, stay locked on a target, and pursue it until the goal is accomplished. And although I feel invincible, it's not a manic shade of invincible -- more like unflappable, cool and collected, able to withstand whatever deluge is directed my way without blinking.

I am normally bullheaded, but on Bijan I'm nearly sociopathic. If somebody else gets in my way, they're just some subhuman barrier to be pushed aside. Not to be toyed with or tortured in a sadistic way -- just like robotically, mechanically moving them aside to make way, not registering any of their feelings, needs, etc.

I remember when I first got it back in the summer of 2013, one of the other regulars at Starbucks and I used to shoot the bull for hours on end, sometimes debating, sometimes chewing the fat, though always on good friendly terms. But one time I had loaded up on Bijan before leaving the house, and I was just shutting him down one sentence after the other, like playing 4-D whack-a-mole. Even though I could see that he was taken aback and puzzled by my change in tone away from our usual camaraderie, I couldn't really help myself.

And again, not sadistic, not deriving joy or pleasure from it, just bam bam bam bam, unflinchingly and remorselessly, as though he weren't a person or my longstanding conversation partner.

It also steers your behavior almost exclusively toward dominating your same-sex rivals, and ignoring the courting of opposite-sex potential mates. Doesn't keep you from getting hard or anything, it just shifts you 100% into fighter, not lover, mode. And I normally enjoy flirting, checking girls out, letting them follow me around, etc. This aspect does feel like a hijacking by something external to me, intrinsic to the cologne itself.

I'll never forget, also during that summer of 2013, walking over to Starbucks loaded up with it. There was a 100+ degree heat wave, so I was going around with my shirt entirely unbuttoned (and though wiry, I was shredded). Coming my way on the sidewalk are a high-school guy and girl, he being your standard Millennial (or Zoomer?) NPC, and she being the typical super-horny teenager of the early 2010s, pre-wokeness and pre-#MeToo. She could not have looked more ripe, and glistening on top of it all due to the heat wave.

As they approach, she starts raising her voice to complain about him "to his face" (actually she's checking me out), ending with "Sometimes [Zoomer name], you're just such a... such a CHILD," as she passes random hot early 30s guy (looking early 20s). Letting me know you're not into children, are you? You want an older hot guy, do you? Under any other circumstance, it would've felt like the hottest taboo-bending signal in the world -- but I just strutted right by the both of them without giving her more than some brief eye contact (smoldering like the clove-y drydown of the cologne).

Not sadistic, not misogynistic, not disgusted or frustrated or anything like that toward girls. More like they're just not important to interact with, other than a brief once-over with my eyes. It's not dismissive of them, more like, "Sorry baby, I'll catch up with you later, have to go crush some rivals first."

I would never wear this in a danceclub where I'm looking to get grinded on and felt up by as many babes as possible. I simply wouldn't enjoy it in that moment. It's for situations where you have to be confrontational and win no matter what, while keeping totally calm.

I had sprayed it on earlier this spring, before the mask mandate was lifted, but while I had decided to pull the mask down once inside. I was wearing it the one day that some soyboy Redditor type kept following me around, pestering me about pulling it back up. I said they don't do anything, it's on, gimme a break. "Well then I'm going to have to ask you to leave the store". You're not going to do that, I bluntly told him. And he said nothing and did nothing afterward.

Perfect cologne for calling the bluff of these wannabe fucking hall monitors and substitute teachers who are in way over their head with a crowd that does not recognize their authority.

I don't know how else to drive home what it feels like, other than it's the Terminator cologne. It turns me into someone who can't be bargained or reasoned with, who doesn't feel pity or remorse or fear, and who will not stop until I complete my mission.

I could be driving 100 miles an hour around a tight curve on a mountain road with no rails, while blasting "Riding on the Wind" until the speakers burst -- as long as I had loaded up on Bijan, I would execute the maneuver flawlessly, and without batting an eyelash. Call it the Drive cologne, if you want to feel more like the hero than the villain.

And yes, in case you couldn't already tell, I got hopped up on five sprays of this psycho-stuff earlier this afternoon, and I'm still in that altered state after midnight, when I'm writing this post.

It's not any particular ingredient, it's the holistic synergistic gestalt of them all. There is literally nothing else like this, and it's insanely cheap. Back in 2013, I picked it up in TJ Maxx, Ross, or Marshalls, but they haven't carried anything awesome in years. There's barely anything at all, in fact, in the fragrance section. Just blind-buy it online, and if possible get an older bottle from the early 2010s. They say the newer ones are not as intense, but I haven't tried them (still have the same bottle from nearly 10 years ago).

Just be wise about what situations you wear it in! But especially if your job requires you to dominate others and stay steely cool while doing so, this is an absolute must-own. You might want to keep your distance somewhat, though, otherwise your rivals might get a whiff or two and become turbo-charged themselves!


  1. No hangover the day after, BTW.

    It's not a bad batch either, since I used to have two different bottles and they both had the same effect. (I only have the smaller letter-B-shaped one now, unforch, had to give away the larger donut-shaped one before a big move.)

    Also want to clarify that I don't have psychotropic reactions of any kind to other colognes. It's not that I do, but they're of a different flavor than the Terminator reaction. They're just colognes.

    Bijan is a qualitatively different substance, a psychotropic that acts through the olfactory pathway.

    "Five sprays" from the smaller B-shaped bottle is probably 2-3 sprays from the donut-shaped bottle, FYI. The smaller bottle doesn't spray as much when you pull the trigger.

    Not that you could overdose on this stuff anyway. Not even when I loaded up with it during that 105-degree heat wave. Just makes it all the more heady.

  2. Thanks for the plug from Jack on Twitter, more proof that only cultural-right people will link here anymore.

    I listened to his War on Beauty talk with Thaddeus Russell, and if anyone came here after the era when my blog was mainly about rising-crime / outgoing times vs. falling-crime / cocooning times, I've written extensively about a lot of the topics he touched on.

    They're 10 years old, but still true. Maybe I'll follow up on some of them with data on the 2010s (sad to say these trends were already evident before the decade of wokeness, as they're to do with cocooning).

    Decline of nudity in top 10 box office movies, 1969-2009:

    Tame-rated movies displacing R-rated:

    Decline of pubic hair among Playboy centerfolds, 1985-2010:

    Followed that up with a two-part study of neuroses about feminine hygiene during cocooning eras, both the '90s through today trend toward pubic hair removal, and the pervasive OCD Midcentury trend of douching.

    Maybe I should start a regular "from the archives" posting schedule, since some or many readers today might not even be aware of my early oeuvre...


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