April 8, 2008

Teen promiscuity exaggerated: a field study

There was a recent Times article about a purportedly massive increase in teen promiscuity among the English, although with a population so sexually dysfunctional, you wonder whether it simply means that they've discovered the French mode of kissing.

Not long ago, The Lancet surveyed changes over time in the prevalence of "early sex" -- having sex before 15 -- in diverse countries. I reviewed this here, where about halfway down the page is a chart showing that the prevalence of early sex in the developed world appears not to have budged. A little less than 1 out of 8 people in the developed world have early sex, and because this must correlate with promiscuity, it suggests that teens are not noticeably more promiscuous than in recent generations.

The present hysteria is due mostly to what teenagers upload to YouTube and how provocative school dances are. I explained in the post linked to above why I thought increasingly raw behavior at school dances might not increase promiscuity much: it provides girls with an outlet.

That conjecture came before I had been exposed to Game teachings, and it turns out that I was right. Here (starting at 2:00) is a Mystery Method guy explaining why a high initial level of physical passion actually harms your chances of having sex with a girl, whether that night or when you contact her later on.

I've actually done a little fieldwork on this topic that I'd like to share. When I go out, I prefer a college-aged crowd, so I went to a dance club I thought was 18+, but was actually 16+, with hardly any college students. (No alcohol is served, and smoking is not allowed, so it's really more like a high school dance than a "club," only without slow dancing). It was pretty boring, but I'm always itching to get my hands on otherwise unobtainable data, so I returned twice, logging a total of about 9 hours.

The racial composition is about 60% White, 30% Mexican (of whom maybe 1/3 are illegals, judging by their height and hairstyles), and 10% Black. These numbers are not typical of the fairly homogeneous Mountain Time Zone, and are likely due to the club playing mostly hip-hop and R&B. Age range is 16 to 18, and perhaps a few 15 y.o.s with fake IDs. Class backgrounds are high Prole or lower for the Blacks and Mexicans, but are more varied for Whites, ranging from high Prole to middle-middle (no upper-middles). There are more males than females, maybe 60:40 or a bit less.

While there is variation, here is the rough picture. The girls go out looking hot and get lots of attention from guys, both by being stared at and "invited to dance." By the latter phrase, I mean a guy walks up behind a girl and starts to press his junk into her rump while swaying side-to-side a little. Less frequently, he approaches from the front, tapping her on the arm with a "wanna grind?" look on his face. Words are never exchanged (this is important), but if she doesn't welcome it, she moves away from him, waves him off, or says "I'm taken." Her friends might also pull her away or wave the guy off.

Girls almost never signal obviously to a guy that they want to grind. * She may send subtler signals, such as (oddly enough) turning her back to him, to offer him her butt for grinding. Maybe she gives him a little eye-contact. But I couldn't tell, because she is always mobbed by guys who are actively trying to get with her, so such invitations are unnecessary.

Assuming she accepts his presence, she grinds her butt into the crotch of the passably handsome stranger; the sluttier ones (again, a minority) may even give him a lapdance. For all girls, there is a small but non-zero chance that she'll make out with him. She never stays more than about 5 to 10 minutes with any particular dance partner: either the guy decides to move on to another girl, or the girl gets bored and moves on to another guy, or she must follow her friends as they move elsewhere. This prevents rapport from developing.

It is rare for any of the girls to give out their phone number to a guy they've danced with for 5 to 10 minutes, and there is virtually no verbal interaction in either direction. The music is pretty loud, and there are hardly any quiet, sit-down areas, so everyone stays on the dance floor using only nonverbal communication.

It's not hard to see why these social dynamics rarely lead to sex: girls need to interact verbally with a guy they're attracted to, and feel comfortable around him. If any of the boys here tried to run a Game routine, they would get nowhere since it is nearly impossible to talk to girls for even a moment, let alone manage a conversation for 10 to 30 minutes. The girls just do not go to this club to talk and flirt with guys: they want to dress hot, get their egos boosted, and grind with some guys in between dancing with their female friends.

Even if some making out happens, girls have lower libidos than guys, so the rush of being in a loud, pulsating nightclub, grinding with some guys, and making out with one or two cute ones, is enough to satiate their desires. If you asked them if they were worried about what this behavior might lead to, you'd hear something like, "What, that random guy I was kissing? I mean, I just thought he was kinda hot and, y'know, felt like making out for a little. I mean, it's not like I wanted to have sex with him or anything."

If guys had the opportunity to verbally game the girls in a more cozy and intimate setting, then she might change her evaluation of him from "random hot guy" to "guy I want to fuck me." In fact, just about any other teenage haunt would allow for more verbal interaction and coziness than a teen-oriented nightclub or school dance. If I were the girl's father, I'd be more concerned about her having a "study session" with a boy.

* Although I tried to remain a neutral observer and ignored the looks I got, one night two 16 year-olds danced backwards toward me, and upon reaching me, began grinding their rumps into my lap -- at the same time -- one on each hip. I kept dancing as I was before, not reaching out to touch them, so they left. However, the cute one came back soon, and this time I decided to let my inner forearms graze the sides of her bare midriff while my arms swayed with the rhythm -- hey, outright rejection can be damaging when a girl sticks her neck out like that. I can't help it if I'm considerate of other people's feelings.

Since I didn't try to dry-hump her, though, she must've thought I wasn't interested, so she left again. But soon she came back one last time, and now I decided to let go a little more, allowing my hands to touch her lower ribcage before moving down to grip the exposed ilium bones of her pelvis, where they remained as we grinded. I was proud that I behaved myself so well.

Although I am attracted to girls in this age range, you have to get to know them and take a shine to them: at least with 16 y.o.s, most of their appeal comes from their spunky, flirty, and giggly personalities. The physical component is there, but it doesn't provoke the overpowering "I wanna tear her up" feeling you get when you're looking at a girl who's 21 - 24, so it wasn't too hard to restrain myself in a teen nightclub. Now, if the 16 y.o. had sat down at my table in a mall food court and started flirting with me, or snuck her way into a bar (where a conversation could happen), that would be an entirely different matter.

[HT 2blowhards and Alias Clio.]


  1. I think young women in general, when they get all dolled up and go clubbing, really don't know what the hell they want. They want guys to notice them, but seem more happy to drink and dance with each other, than actually do anything with anyone other than a desirable Alpha male.

    Personal anecdote: nothing to do with teenage girls per se, but I once had a young woman come up to me at a concert, from behind, grab me, and start grinding. It was surreal, but I rolled with it, and ended up kissing her, but nothing more than that. It is strange how women today feel complete liberty and ease in coming on physically to total strangers. At least, it's strange to me, an old-fashioned kinda guy.

  2. dude how old are you?

  3. I'm 27, but everyone says I look 22. Re "ick" -- haha, don't hate. Think about it: if I gave off a creepy vibe, would these girls be looking at me, let alone would two of them come up and start grinding on me at the same time, with one coming back for more twice?

  4. would these girls be looking at me, let alone would two of them come up and start grinding on me at the same time, with one coming back for more twice?

    They obviously did it on a dare.


  5. Nah, you could tell that the one who kept coming back wanted to dance. She had that look on her face, like "he won't come up to me, should I go up to him?" Her friend accompanied her the first time just so she wouldn't be alone.

    Something similar happened the most recent time I went: this time one grinding me from the front and her friend grinding me from behind. (Different pair of friends.) You been in a teen sandwich lately? It feels all right.


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