The gang at My Posting Career started a jam session, riffing off of '90s alternative rock lyrics and setting them in the topsy-turvy Trump-driven world that we live in today. I like the version of the REM song where Jeb sings about "Losing This Election". I'll post mine here, sung to the tune of "Ironic" by Alanis Morissette.
More to follow down below.
[Added: "Two Prezzes", to the tune of "Two Princes" by Spin Doctors.]
[Added: "Stay, Jeb (jk gtfo)", to the tune of "Stay" by Lisa Loeb.]
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"Iconic"
An old hag turned sixty-eight
She won the primary -- had a stroke the next day
It's a brash guy, in your staid debate
It's a kiddie-stage upgrade, two minutes too late
And isn't Trump iconic?
Don'tcha think?
It's like freight traaains through your op-ed page
It's equal tiiime after $10 million paid
It's the 'Merican priiide that a cuck couldn't fake
And who would've thought? IT TRIGGERRRS
Mr. Pray-I'm-Safe
Was a low-energy guy
Rehearsed his tough-guy face
But flubbed his canned sound bites
He waited his whole damn life
To claim his birthright
And as his polls crashed down
He thought, "Well isn't 5th nice?"
And isn't Trump iconic?
Don'tcha think?
It's like freight traaains through your op-ed page
It's equal tiiime after $10 million paid
It's the 'Merican priiide that a cuck couldn't fake
And who would've thought? IT TRIGGERRRS
Well Gov has a funny way of selling out on you
When they think every bill's OK and lobbying's going right
But Gov has a funny way of hearing you out
When they think every poll's gone wrong
And every vote blows up in their face
A downsized plant, after cutting our wage
A "no trolling" sign on some Twitter-ette's page
It's like ten-thousand Jews, when all you need is a white
It's finding the town of my dreams
And then finding its immigrant blight
And isn't Trump iconic?
Don'tcha think?
A little too iconic
And yeah I really do think
It's like freight traaains through your op-ed page
It's equal tiiime after $10 million paid
It's the 'Merican priiide that a cuck couldn't fake
And who would've thought? IT TRIGGERRRS
Well Gov has a funny way of selling out on youuu
But Gov has a funny, funny way
Of hearing you out
Hearing you out
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"Two Prezzes"
Hopeful Prezzes feud before you
That's what I said now
Would-be Prezzes who implore you
Just vote ahead now
One has donors in his pocket
That's some bread now
This one, the migrant tide he'll block it
Ain't in his head now
This one has Presidential breeding
That's what I said now
This one prods populist stampeding
Ain't in his head now
You cuck for him, your leaders will condone you
How 'bout that now?
You stump for me, your leaders will disown you
They'll eat their hat now
Cuck for him, stump for me
I'm the one that loves the country, can't you see?
I ain't got no boner for the GOP
But, I know what a Prez and leader ought to be
I know what a Prez and leader ought to be
Said if you veto anchor babies
Just vote ahead now
And if you are sick of all the maybe's
Just vote ahead now
And if you want deal-making powers
Just vote ahead now
And if you would like to troll for hours
Just vote ahead now
Said, hopeful Prezzes feud before you
That's what I said now
Would-be Prezzes who implore you
Just vote ahead now
One has donors in his pocket
That's some bread now
This one, the migrant tide he'll block it
Ain't in his head now
Cuck for him, stump for me
I'm the one that loves the country, can't you see?
I ain't got no boner for the GOP
But, I know what a Prez and leader ought to be
I know what a Prez and leader ought to be
Said if you veto anchor babies
Just vote ahead now
And if you are sick of all the maybe's
Just vote ahead now
And if you want deal-making powers
Just vote ahead now
And if you would like to troll for hours
Just vote ahead now
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"Stay, Jeb (jk gtfo)", a fragment
You say, I read the polls how I want to
You say, I cuck so all the time
¿Y qué?
And I thought Common Core was vital
And I thought that my brand was strong
And now my ads are failing
Now I know that I'm gonna get schlonged
'Cause I pissed you (off)
Yeah, I pissed you (off)
And you say, I read the polls how I want to
I won't govern hard
I won't pay attention to illegals for deporting
Or to any wall, anywhere
I don't understand, is my energy there?
I'm only hearing negative -- low, low, looow
Best part is imagining "It's finding the town of my dreams / And then finding its immigrant blight" voiced exactly as Alanis sung it.
ReplyDeleteNice work!
ReplyDelete-PA
Here is my off-the-cuff rhyme, which I posted earlier on my blog. The question marks make sense in the context of the original post:
ReplyDeleteFeminism’s a bore? Dindus demand more?
Diversity sucks? jeb bush cucks?
Obummer gives you the blues? GOP likes to lose?
Hillary’s a crook? Mudsharks make you puke?
The hottie’s a ho? Anti-Whites need to go?
"voiced exactly as Alanis sung it"
ReplyDeleteI like parodies that co-opt a song from the other side, and make an icon of their side sing something totally against their own beliefs, yet with as much emotion as the original version.
In this case, the faux-rebel anthem for the Eat,Pray,Cuck crowd of Hillary cheerleaders.
Somewhat OT: This map of the percentage of people born in the same state that they live in looks similar to the map of Trump support in the map linked in this article(the Times tries to spin it as racism); the Ozarks have more transplants than I would have thought.
ReplyDeleteIn that map of transplants, counties near a state border will show artificially higher rates of "transplants" -- who came from right next door, over the state border.
ReplyDeleteOtherwise it presents the same picture that the NYT ran in 2014, which was a series of time-series graphs showing the percent of residents born within the state from 1900 to 2010.
The rootlessness of the Frontier, Mountain, and Pacific has lasted from their earliest settlements through today.
(Search the blog for "geography" and "rootedness" and you'll find earlier posts on this topic.)
As for Trump's support, I think it's a different cause -- being oriented toward career / wealth / material well-being, vs. lifestyle and leisure.
ReplyDeleteThat shows a much stronger west-vs.-east gradient, with folks back East not giving as much of a damn about lifestyle and leisure matters as the Western free spirits do.
The change Trump is bringing is that instead of careerist and materialist *individualism*, he's working for material *egalitarianism*. Bring back jobs from all those countries that are ripping us off, remove the wage-depressing "reserve army of the unemployed" AKA immigrants, and don't waste all kinds of money on World War III LARP-ing.
Republicans out West are more driven by feel-good lifestyle values -- "feel-good" by their red-state standards, of course. Family values, pro-life, Christian volun-tourism, leading a life free of all gubmint regulation, and so on.
It's Carson and Cruz who pander to these empty red-state lifestyle concerns.
It's telling that Trump's worse area is the Mormon Corridor -- we can tell it's Mormons rather than just Utah because adjacent areas of other states, where Mormons spill out into, are worse than farther-away areas of those states. For example, southeastern Idaho being worse than the Pac NW area of Idaho.
The Mormon Corridor has deep roots by Frontier standards, which goes against rootedness being the main thing behind Trump's appeal.
But the Mormons are the standard-bearers for red-state lifestyle competition. They LARP as the most original of Christians (despite being a totally new and separate religion), their missions are by now pure volun-tourism, they value niceness above getting the job done, and they invest much energy in crafting personas as pastoral back-to-nature Mountain children (despite all settlements out West being urban or suburban, not rural).
BTW, Trump support among Republicans is lowest out West -- i.e., the region most devastated by immigration, the region that would benefit most from Trump's #1 issue, that no other candidate can even dream of matching.
ReplyDeleteDo not cast nationalist pearls before lifestyle-striver swine.
This makes the retarded attempt by the NYT blogger even more risible -- he tries to connect Trump support to racism somehow, but is forced to link it to nigger jokes back East.
One small problem: Trump is targeting immigrants, who are not black but Aztec, Chinese, Muslim, etc. -- all of whom are way more common out West than in Appalachia or the Deep South.
Indeed, the one non-white group that Trump keeps sticking up for is the blacks. Who does he invite on stage with him? Jamiel Shaw's father from California, the Diamond & Silk duo from North Carolina, a clothing designer at a Virginia rally, etc. He holds a meeting with black pastors, not Mexican priests or Muslim clerics or Chinese witch doctors.
That's all part of restoring control of America back to where it belongs, at the historical core in the eastern half. Not like all these out-West Presidents we've had since Reagan.
During the first Gilded Age, the country blew up over black slavery along North-South lines. In the neo-Gilded Age, it will blow up over brown serfs along East-West lines.
Any Republican west of the Mississippi who isn't running a 24-7 Trump-o-rama show, is a worthless cuck who would rather whine about immigration than actually solve the damn problem.
ReplyDeleteBut then feigning outrage is all part of the lifestyle striver's schtick -- a component of their daily routine and ritual that projects an anti-Establishment persona without having to prove it by taking action.
Ah, screw California and Utah and Texas. They can't be relied on to help themselves, so we'll clean up their mess for the greater good of the whole country. Trump has already signaled as much about cleaning up Germany if the Germans are too busy begging for gang rape, or England if they're too busy bending over for child rape networks.
Cleansing the greater Frontier -- it's a dirty job, but somebody's gotta do it.
I agree with you 90% of the time or more, but I would like to add a qualification. North Carolina, Florida, Georgia, etc. haven't done anything to stop the huge amount of Mexicans and other Hispanics flooding into their states and they're east of the Mississippi. This is despite the fact that with the exception of Florida historically there has been zero Hispanic presence in these states. If the South had won the Civil War or just had a significant degree of local autonomy at all from Washington D.C./The Greater Northeast there would be much better border controls. Texas used to do a good job of securing the border, gradually has gone down since CSA lost Second American Revolution.
ReplyDeleteTrump hasn't, thank god, been affecting a tough guy/cowboy/maverick persona. Why bother when it's self-evident that you're bringing a lot to the table?
ReplyDeleteThe whole cowboy American stereotype that I've heard Europeans mock used to get on my nerves. C'mon, we've got our faults but we're not all that obnoxious. But maybe they were onto something. Perhaps the "sexiness" of wild west posturing has grown since circa 1970. Euros noticed it and made fun of it while most Americans didn't think anything of the growing influence of the American West.
If we go back to a more wholesome culture, I guess our behavior (and our rep.) will improve. No more misanthropic and cheesy bravado about being a "heroic" loner who takes a stand that "nobody" else will take.
But does that apply to Trump? Not quite. As Agnostic said, he's going out of his way to be populist. Opening his ears and heart to people who are struggling and are representative of tradition rather than the half-baked dystopian sci-fi that the elites have been wet dreaming over. Vowing reprisals against said elites, too.
Trump is more King Arthur or Robin Hood than a post 1970 Silent/Boomer Heroic Loner (tm) like Dirty Harry or Rambo who must always singlehandedly clean up a rotten society that scarcely seems worth saving.
"North Carolina, Florida, Georgia, etc. haven't done anything to stop the huge amount of Mexicans and other Hispanics flooding into their states"
ReplyDeleteAu contraire -- they're voting Trump, big-time. Better late than never. You can't say the same for the West, beginning with Texas. They're looking a gift horse in the mouth.
As for if the South had one -- it would now be Greater Haiti, an abject shithole. If you're from the lowland plantation part of the South, I at least understand the sticking up for your region.
But if, like most Southerners, you're from an upland area -- Atlanta, Birmingham, Knoxville, Greenville, etc. -- you're doing your ancestors no favors by sticking up for the African-bringer-inners. Plantation agriculture is impossible up in the hills and mountains, and there was therefore no big slave economy up there. Maybe a few slaves here and there for domestic service, but no attempt to make America into Haiti or Brazil.
In fact, Atlanta and Birmingham were only born after the Civil War. Birmingham being the industrial "Pittsburgh of the South". Greenville the textile center only got going as such in the 1870s (it was a small town, not a city, before then). If the South had won, none of these cities would have become the power-houses that they did in the late 19th / early 20th century.
And it's a total joke to suggest that the South would have had more effective border patrol -- look at all the Africans they brought in, and were still trying to bring in.
They didn't care if importing hordes of tropical dark-skins would unglue national cohesion or even destroy the country by putting white people out of work. They were no different than the neo-plantation owners out in California who want the Aztec and Mayan hordes streaming over the border so they can enrich themselves while the region and the broader country goes to hell as a result.
Not that the Yankee industrialists were any less greedy, but their workers could not be tropical, violent, or low average IQ. They needed sharp, hard-working Europeans to make their fortunes.
Just think: when the next Civil War breaks out, everyone from New Hampshire to Ohio to Alabama is going to knock the shit out of the West Coast and the Southwest, who will go on to cry about losing for the next 150 years and counting.
ReplyDeleteMUH TACO PLANTATION...
Guilty as charged. However, while there were Unionist hotbeds just like the Rebels in southern Illinois, the solid majority of the Upper South supported the Rebel movement, because just like the First American Revolution the biggest issue was centralization vs states rights. Even West Virginia had about 20-33 percent of the people supporting the CSA.
ReplyDeleteYou make good points about how importing slaves was terrible. Plantation system was inhumane and bad for the country like you said, but the importation of new Africans was banned for decades before the Civil War and almost all the new slaves were born in USA. Also slavery would have been abolished peacefully anyway within 40 years just like every other Western country such as Brazil.
I find it a little bit funny that you're going with the roving, Johnny-come lately Scots-Irish Up Landers when they moved at least twice from Scotland to Ireland, than from Ireland to America, often living closer to the coast before they move to Appalacians and than God knows where else like Andrew Jackson, Davy Crockett, and Sam Houston. English Southern lowlanders have lived in current USA for longer than any other group unless you count French and Spaniards who lived in their Empires.
I see a lot of Battle Flags in rural West Virginia, Ohio, and Pennsylvania these days. Indiana had the largest KKK population in all of America. I think you're very intelligent but it tickles me how big of a deal you make out of how rooted each American region is. It's like if examing a brothel and being proud that your sweetheart has only sleeped with 50 men instead of 90 like another prostitute. Virginia may be the oldest state but it is not rooted at all compared to somebody in Germany/Russia/France/China/Italy whose ancestors have lived there for thousands of years, if not longer. Let alone to a newer state like Pennsylvania or Vermont.
Anyway God bless and We'll all vote for Trump!
"but the importation of new Africans was banned for decades before the Civil War and almost all the new slaves were born in USA."
ReplyDeleteThis amounts to the Californian cuck compromise, where we promise not to import any new Aztecs -- we'll just keep all the zillions we've already let in, plus their children, plus all extended family.
It leads to weak border enforcement because they're always looking to replace their current population of serfs with poorer and more desperate ones. Like how Mexicans got replaced by Guatemalans out West.
"Also slavery would have been abolished peacefully anyway within 40 years just like every other Western country such as Brazil."
Well "every other Western country" didn't have huge African populations. Pretty easy to abolish slavery when there's not that many of them, when they aren't the lynch-pin of the local economy, and when they're of the same race which allows greater sympathy (unlike Africans who were more easily viewed as chattel).
And in any case, the South started the Civil War, not the North. They had no intention of gradually, peacefully winding down the whole plantation thingie.
There isn't much difference in how rooted Appalachians are, compared to the lowland Southerners. They both arrived well before the Revolution, and saw their main growth during the 18th C., although Scots-Irish did continue to add to their numbers in the 19th C.
Instead of looking at a certain group and asking how rooted they are in their region, we can ask how rooted the region is in the culture of that group. English lowlanders are deeply rooted in the South, but the South has historically been majority African. Not until the Great Migration of the early-mid 1900s, when the blacks poured out in droves. And of course there still are large numbers down in the "Black Belt".
The Upland South, and especially central/northern Appalachia, has always been dominated by the same people and culture. Even during and after the Great Migration, they repelled invasion by Africans. The whitest areas of any decent size are located there -- western Massachusetts down through Pennsylvania, Ohio, WV, eastern Kentucky, and ending around Knoxville.
You're right that folks in those parts fly Rebel flags. Just last summer, in an upper-middle class suburb of Columbus OH, I saw a motorcade of pickup trucks flying Rebel flags, honking their horns, cruising laps around the shopping center, and up and down the main drag. None of the onlookers freaked out or looked disgusted. Even the few who looked a little uncomfortable just let it play out.
But that kind of behavior is more of a troll against the PC limp-wrists and Washington elites than it is a genuine desire for the Confederacy to have won, or for slavery to have continued.
Now that we have Trump, though, I think focus will shift from Rebel flags to signs reading Make America Great Again. The elites don't really feel that threatened by Rebel flags, whereas electing Trump is going to make them piss their pants all day, every day, for eight solid years.
It's going to be glorious.