October 24, 2021

Pop-tart synchronicity

First that_groyper incorporates pop-tarts into his daily coffee reports, rather than the usual raisin bagel. (@groyper on Gab, btw.) Now Thotton Mather (from Twitter) says she's going to be making her own pop-tarts, rather than the usual foodie fare.

I have no idea what this sign means. But it means something. The cozy left and cozy right are converging on the same idea, seemingly independently of each other. It's not just cozy autumn weather -- this is new to 2021.

Millennials growing weary of 30-something status-striving, and wanting to re-create their less-pretentious '90s childhoods? (That would seem to rule out a revival of the Pillsbury toaster strudel, whose tagline was "Something better just popped up". Ooh la-di-da, Mr. French Man.)

What would be in the recipe for a Pure Moods pop-tart? Something old-timey and folksy like "harvest" flavors, sure, but where is the "new" in that New Age recipe? In music they could use synthesized pan pipes. What's so cutting-edge in food, that could complement the trad harvest flavors? Maybe the brand would've figured that food can't be too hi-tech, so just make it green tea pop-tarts for the New Age crowd.

(Oh God, the horror of something art-faggy like a "deconstructed" pop-tart... Kellogg's x Helmut Lang toaster pastries, exclusive to Target...)

Have Millennials crossed the streams and applied '90s color palettes from one pop culture domain to another -- like a black pop-tart with teal, purple, and magenta brushstroke frosting?

In a new sequel for the Donkey Kong Country franchise, the main villain has hoarded all the world's bananas for himself, and there's only mass-processed junk food left for everyone else, so DK goes around collecting banana-flavored pop-tarts to satisfy his monke sweet-tooth. Naturally Kellogg's won't like the insinuation that their product is a dystopian substitute for the real deal, so make the story that pop-tarts are the only remaining source of real bananas in the filling (so it's a silver lining), and if DK can defeat the main villain, he'll open up the supply of bananas for pop-tarts and anything else.

Just brainstorming here. The '90s isn't going to revive itself.


  1. Post Alley Crackpot10/24/21, 11:14 PM

    "What would be in the recipe for a Pure Moods pop-tart?"

    Carrot cake pop tarts.

    Brings you all of the nostalgia while falling totally flat in terms of expecting better.

    During October they'll flavour it with added pumpkin spice. :-)

  2. Carrot cake would definitely hit on the '70s back-to-nature theme, but New Age usually has something further than that, like a spiritual seeker angle, meditative, or perhaps sublime. And on the time dimension, it's much farther back than just the '70s -- medieval, ancient, primitive.


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