"2005", Millennial quarter-life crisis / late 2000s nostalgia anthem (after Bowling for Soup's "1985")

To capture and speak to the not-so-young Millennials' nostalgia for the late 2000s, in contrast to the more bitter than sweet appraisal of where they're at now, I wrote a new set of lyrics to "1985" by pop punk band Bowling For Soup (from 2004; original lyrics). I expect it'll resonate most with people born in the first half of the '90s.

The changes reflect the more precarious living standard of the Millennials vs. the early X-ers of the original song, as well as the greater influence on Millennials of online culture than music and TV. Especially the shift in online's role from complementing to substituting for reality -- from web 2.0 to social media. And with that, the elimination of a real-life component to culture.

The main hurdle to re-making it is the stress pattern for the numbers of the year. The only real way is to rearrange the stress on "two-thousand" so that it goes: "TWO-thou, TWO-thou, TWO-thou-SAND and FIVE". For the other lines, they generally have three stressed syllables per line (the first stress of the measure is a rest for the vocals, making the standard 4 beats per measure).

* * *

"2005"

Sarah's whole life has stalled
Her future's been paywalled
It's wine o'clock all day
BF streams video games

Her dreams flew out the door
When she saw her credit score
Has few friends IRL
Just a parasocial shell

She was gonna be a singer
A hero on guitar
She was gonna shake her thing
To be the champ at DDR

Her IG following
Still leaves her soul empty
Looks at her quest for likes
And nothing has been alright, since the

Scene queens, Rihanna
Far ahead of Lana
Classic YouTube, and blogging
And "Do the D.A.N.C.E."
Her nieces and nephews
Remind her that she's old-school
But she can never unsubscribe
From two-thou, two-thou, two-thousand and five

She's seen all the classics
She knows every line
"One secret I'll never tell"
Mean Girls and hot vampires

My Chem is still her jam
Finds Billie Eilish bland
"Let's chat" meant A.I.M.
Not Tinder and OnlyFans

American Apparel shorts
Showing major skin
Heading out to '80s night
With her top 8 MySpace friends

When did our Twitter feed
Replace reality?
Whatever happened to iPods, dumb phones?
"Online" long ago was

Scene queens, Rihanna
Far ahead of Lana
Classic YouTube, and blogging
And "Do the D.A.N.C.E."
Her nieces and nephews
Remind her that she's old-school
But she can never unsubscribe
From two-thou, two-thou, two-thousand and five

Wrong timeline
Make it stop
When did Fall Out Boy
Become dad rock?

Hot Topic only sells
Geek merch and Funko Pops?
Please make this
Stop, stop, stop, and bring back

Scene queens, Rihanna
Far ahead of Lana
Classic YouTube, and blogging
And "Do the D.A.N.C.E."
Her nieces and nephews
Remind her that she's old-school
But she can never unsubscribe
From two-thou, two-thou, two-thousand and five