tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19346366.post4472108988815348160..comments2024-03-28T21:56:51.675-04:00Comments on Face to Face: Trust your instincts about wicked stepparentsagnostichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12967177967469961883noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19346366.post-48314798188937201402010-07-04T12:45:25.190-04:002010-07-04T12:45:25.190-04:00A man would be insane to be in a step-parent situa...A man would be insane to be in a step-parent situation with an attractive daughter. Having a good relationship with her makes it infinitely worse. Not only are mothers frequently jealous of their daughters, but it's a short step from that to accusing you of doing something untoward with the daughter.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19346366.post-81191739207465119602010-07-03T16:54:35.541-04:002010-07-03T16:54:35.541-04:00Dahlia, you might be onto something about how evil...Dahlia, you might be onto something about how evil step-fathers vs. step-mothers are. Anthropologists who study primitive cultures have shown that men are more generous toward people outside of their close blood relatives, for example specializing in getting food like meat or honey that ends up widely shared throughout the tribe.<br /><br />Women, however, tend to focus on foods that only make it to their close blood relatives, like nuts, tubers, and berries.<br /><br />And psychologists have shown that men are more caring and generous if you're talking about strangers, while women are more caring and generous on a smaller, kin-based scale.<br /><br />So perhaps step-fathers are showing the male pattern of being mindful of those who aren't genetically related to them, while step-mothers are showing the female pattern of being stingy toward strangers.<br /><br />And it would be even worse if the step-mother is a hag while the step-daughter looks, well, youthful.<br /><br />It seems like you got the worst combination of step-parent / step-child. That's probably why the wicked step-mother and hounded step-daughter is the most common pattern that we see in popular culture, like Cinderella or Snow White.agnostichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12967177967469961883noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19346366.post-30346703793103153982010-07-03T00:46:38.981-04:002010-07-03T00:46:38.981-04:00"If a divorce-considering parent worries that..."If a divorce-considering parent worries that, if they stayed together, the child might have to endure the sight of her parents fighting, just wait until she has a wicked stepparent mercilessly chewing her out and ready to strike her without pity."<br /><br />Agnostic, <br />This post brought tears to my eyes as I had a wicked step-mom and this situation you witnessed was one among very many that I found myself in with her. I feel bad for you to have witnessed it. I'll be giving birth any day now, so I'm very emotional and would like to share...<br />When I was 10, I was left in a car to finish putting stamps on business envelopes while my step-mom went inside a restaurant to eat. She left the keys in the ignition so I'd have a.c. only I forgot to get them when I finished to join her. When I walked in, just walked in and was still standing, she asked for the keys to which I responded that I'd forgotten them. <br />She absolutely lost it. She screamed and yelled at the top of her lungs causing the place to go quiet. It was so surreal and traumatic that I blocked everyone out and just stood there in shock. Nobody said or did anything and I sat down, ending my memory of the event. Her behavior behind closed doors was so much worse. And constant. From the time I got up until I went to bed, seven days a week from ages 5-12 plus during visits as a teen.<br /><br />I nodded in agreement with everything you said. <br /><br />Introducing one's child to a wicked step-parent due to divorce is a very real and great risk, far more than people realize, I think. I've also felt that it was the step-mom who is more likely to be wicked than the step-dad (I'm aware of the stats and know that step-dads are potentially dangerous, too). I've known many great step-dads, but rarely would I categorize a step-mom as such.<br />I've said the following for years, "Unless she is a font of religiosity and/or class, a woman will be hostile to her step-children".<br /><br />BTW, my step-mom is/was ugly and obese who constantly tried fattening me up and even once gave me my little brother's leftover worm pills from a treatment so convinced was she that something amiss had to be causing me to be thin. My mother was a hottie and thin and a counselor, assigned to me after I finally spoke out at age 12, said that a major component of the abuse was probably due to me looking so much like my mother.<br /><br />Finally, my experiences make me completely immune to the romanticisation of the beta male (and denigration of the alpha as synonymous with the thug-cad) that I sometimes see go on in the Steveosphere. Many of these guys are probably not that weak to allow such evil to be visited upon their own children, but it is still a very harsh world and strong men are still needed. And that's all I will say about that.Dahlianoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19346366.post-29268390267642395722010-07-02T17:24:54.495-04:002010-07-02T17:24:54.495-04:00"Step-families are an unnatural aberration, d..."Step-families are an unnatural aberration, despite all of that "it-takes-a-village-to-raise-a-bastard" bullshit we have been told."<br /><br /><br />Comment of the day!<br /><br />I am saving that on a sticky note on my desktop.sgnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19346366.post-24568526640793807812010-07-01T14:43:46.503-04:002010-07-01T14:43:46.503-04:00You mean smooth running step-families and cool ste...You mean smooth running step-families and cool step-parents are another lie sold to us by syndicated television series like the Brady Bunch? <br /><br />All kidding aside: A step-dad is in an unenviable position. One so unenviable that its best avoided. What can a man do if confronted with a young adolescent step child who hates his presence and is willfully destructive of his property and person? He can either be a "cool-step-dad" and let her do whatever she pleases (which makes him look like a pussy to the mother), or attempt to "parent" the child and be resented by the kid forevermore. <br />Either way, the guy loses. The position is best avoided. <br /><br /><br />Step-families are an unnatural aberration, despite all of that "it-takes-a-village-to-raise-a-bastard" bullshit we have been told. The mom ought to wait to remarry until her kids are grown for their sake if she really loves them (which she does, she just loves herself more).Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19346366.post-1346156382690802010-07-01T13:39:45.594-04:002010-07-01T13:39:45.594-04:00Zero chance of that. Anger was not feigned, and co...Zero chance of that. Anger was not feigned, and completely blowing up in public is not what therapists do. They keep their calm.agnostichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12967177967469961883noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19346366.post-87463799433827199132010-07-01T12:17:42.189-04:002010-07-01T12:17:42.189-04:00It could be that the man is a therapist whom Mom h...It could be that the man is a therapist whom Mom hired to straighten out her wayward daughter. His walking out in feigned anger and the raised voice might be just part of his act. Meeting at the Starbucks makes sense because it's a neutral site, favoring neither the therapist nor the daughter.<br /><br />PeterAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com